Statistics

Convinced myself that I'm in the world alone, with no one to call my own and a shallow heart that rejects all possible subjects and labels them rejects and turn my head as though all my standards have been met.
But it's an emptiness that's starting to cloud my existence; and add weight, but I'm battling statistics, because I refuse to grow up and live like what I saw. The pain. The rage. The whispers in the darkness; tellin me it's gonna be okay, but it's far from it!!
At a young age, I didn't understand the power was taken away from my hands and put toward a violent and insecure man; who I knew only as Dad.
I watched as my mom; my own flesh and blood get pushed into walls, beaten in stalls, and when she was asked about the bruises she would blame it on her skates and exaggerate the falls
And that's not all. The one guy who knew, the one who understood, the one guy who came around and took my hand and promised me everything would be good; My uncle knew. He lead me thru it and came to see me one day and the next thing I knew
There were flashing lights and a body inside, I heard the word gunshot and the medic saying an African American man died. Why?
The only one who knew the only one that understood, the girl that never talked and hated to listen
So this drags me all the way back to statistics, of how I'm supposed to fail, and never prevail, and only love men who beat me till I'm dependent,fragile, and frail
But this is my life and papers and numbers will never tell me how to live it or even influence my decisions, or lead me to a place where I want to escape but can't because I'm afraid of the consequences
How do I end this?
I don't understand, but I knew when things got bad that it was time to run, so that's what I've done when life got out of hand. I ran!
Like there was no tomorrow and no yesterday, like today was my last day and my existence has expired in the past days but now...
Now, I fight.
I fight to beat the numbers, I fight to beat my fear,I fight to satisfy my heart and I fight so my uncle can see that I changed, see that I no longer hide and I'm no longer afraid, and that it was a phase, but this is life
I'm battling everyday to live it right, no matter what I went through to become who I am; however i do let my past help determine my selection of a man, but the papers and numbers will never be taken to any other extreme..
And I'm most definetely not gone let statistics get in the way of my dream!