Would my ashes cry out
in dismay
because you left this body
barren
and unloved?
Oh nَ …
My loneliness would turn
to placid dust:
Would silently become
rich soil -
feeding your lush
and healthy crops;
feeding your hunger
and your lust;
feeding mortality
and your decay ...
Until yَْ turned
to placid dust
United
at last …
Would this soil cry out
in dismay
because we left this earth
barren
and unloved?
Oh nَ …
This earth would turn
to bright
star-dust:
Transformed
at last …
A Love-light
lit
by Mercy
and by Trust
"This earth would turn
to bright
star-dust:
Transformed
at last …
A Love-light
lit
by Mercy
and by Trust"
Have a good time
Wonderful writing you have here.
Myra, ek het vanaand met vlinder-vlerk jou kom ontmoet. Hierdie skepping het spatsels goud op my gereën. Wat 'n heerlike avontuur om saam met jou van blom tot blom te vlieg.
Beauty is which what moves us to abandon ourselves
Spiritually is what moves us from ourseves to God.
You with the voice of a song bird
The mind of a philosopher
the pen of poet
John Donne would be proud as I am of you:
"IF I were but mere dust
and ashes I might speak
unto the Lord, for the
Lord's hand made me of
this dust, and the Lord's
hand shall re-collect
these ashes..."
- John Donne from 'DEVOTIONS UPON EMERGENT OCCASIONS'
Yes, Yes you me we are made of the
same fine stuff as stars! (-:
If my comments inspired this, I am a genius HAHA. Very nice work, this is a great improvment on the poem as a whole, it's very very powerful now. Keep up the good work! Rock on~
Thank you for the advice. The change does look like an improvement ... I appreciate your insight. Looking forward to your return! Myra
The only thing that hurts this poem in my opinion is the fact that it's justified in the CENTER...only certain works can pass off being so CENTERED and this isn't one of them...I would bring it back to the left and play with line breaks and such. have fun, you have a great use of language!