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A Long, Deep Sigh...
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Ups & Downs of Love ...maybe YOU can relate to how I'm feel'n rite now. How am I feel'n rite now? Frustrated, sad, & disappointed that the ONE thing in the world that I truly want & need the most is about to exit my life - forFUKNever, possibly. Even if he continues to MIRACULOUSLY stay in my life, I'm afraid that things'll neva be quite the same. Maybe I'm dwelling too much on my fears & insecurities...or maybe I'm just try'n to be realistic?
Its the end of the school year folks - my 2nd year of college & I've been thru so much stuff: good, bad, happy, & sad. @ the end of another collegiate calendar, I can say that it has been quite the BEAUTIFUL experience. The hardships have made me stronger, the joyful times have outweighed every malficiency that was ever to be this past year, & the love I fell into that led to my heartbreak that's opening the door to an unsure way of feeling and emotion has ALL been...BEAUTIFUL.
Most of all, I have to thank God for continuing to bestow on me the gift of...breath. You know - dat continuous flow of oxygen that keeps your heart pump'n all day e'ryday. The point is that I cuda been dead and gone by now...but I ain't!!! Oh mayne, don't gets me tuh testify'n...lol! Perhaps the most important thing that happen'd to me (besides be'n alive)...is Kei. I know y'all tired of hear'n about him & I know YOU tired of hear'n yo name out my mouth thru otha folks and see'n ya name all up on my different internet pages, lol. But, how can you explain sumth'n so...so...shit, you just cain't.
Me & Kei - we met back in late Aug '05 & all the experience sandwiched in-b/t then & now has become sumth'n that I'll always allow to snag @ my heart a lil' deeper than everything else. Yea, it has mosDef'ntly been a fuk'n rollercoaster ride. There's been a lot of cry'n - on both parts, There's been a lot of hurt - on both parts, & There's been a lot of anger - on both parts. But, I just came to understand (like a few hours ago) that I love you no matter what Kei...yea, YOU. This may be crazy...you know, me write'n all this shit. But, my feel'ns are true & I guess I'll neva be satisfied until I have you the way that I was meant to have you.
I don't wanna meet nobody else, I don't wanna get ova you...if anything - I want the feelings to grow to overwhelming proportions. I've neva known a love like this & you are the kind of person that'll only happen to me ONCE in life. Don't stay outta my life. Instead, be there for me in my mind when we both say shit @ the same time & not know it b/c we'll be two time zones apart. Think about 'dem times when you use to always make me laugh when I was go'n thru Hades-on-Earth. Let your thighs quiver when you fantasize how good it REALLY CUDA BEEN;) Cry when you realize that there'll be no otha in your life like Jamar. After all dat, pick up the phone & call me...or facebook duh fuk outta me...or better yet, leave a cute lil' testimonial on my downelink wall.
Just always let me know that I'll always have you in some kinda unique fashion...b/c you got me. So, I'm take'n a long deep sigh...the summer's almost here...my first summer on my own away from a place that was once my home.
Some think I'm crazy (Mama) for the way I chose to live
Some think I'll neva succeed @ what I want to do (Me)
Some think I'mma complete azzhole who'll neva be happy (stupid meanies)
Some think I'm the cool'st (my closest friends)
But what do you think?
...b/c that's all that really matters to me now.
