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What does she see?

Her eyes are like chocolate

Yet deep like the sea

Listening to her voice

Gives me cavities

 

When she looks in the mirror

What does she see?

Does she see the same girl

Who's laughing with me?

 

Does she see a girl

Who's flawless and perfect?

Or does she see a girl

Without any purpose?

 

I wonder if she knows her smile has a way

Of brightening the stars

I shouldn't have to say it

But we've come so far

 

Love stories don't

Always have happy endings

Sometimes it ends

In one heart never mending

 

I wonder what she sees

When she dreams at night

Does she dream of prince charming

Or of everything for once going right?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my most rushed poem as of yet. I wrote it three years ago in five minutes between classes. I haven't edited it, actually, since then so there are most likely horrible errors. Still, I have a sentimental connection to it and decided to post it for some constructive crticism. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it, but especially if you didn't. Have a wonderful day/night!

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©29 June 2014 - 3:40am — Monique
29 June 2014 - 4:08am — Usernameyname
Usernameyname's picture

I like it!

I don't know much about poetry but I really like the concept you got across! It makes me think about the difference of how I view myself and how others view me. The only part that struck me as a tad strange was the cavities bit, but maybe I'm not interpreting it correctly? Anyway, great poem! 

29 June 2014 - 4:11am — Monique
Monique's picture

I intended the cavities line

I intended the cavities line to mean that her voice was sweet. Since cavities are normally seen as horrible and something people want to avoid, I wanted to make a contrast to how the narrator saw it. Am I making sense? Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for commenting!

29 June 2014 - 4:14am — Usernameyname
Usernameyname's picture

Ohhhh I get it now :)

Ohhhh I get it now :)