Outside of your apartment window
the leaves have fallen and it grows colder
still and I can't feel my fingers.
Inside you look so warm. A good candle is burning
steady and I imagine that cookies are in the oven.
I'd beg you once again to let me in, but I know
you've turned me away enough times
that I can be sure your heart doesn't secretly want
mine.
As the numbness creeps up my arms
and into the corners of my vision,
as my pulse slows and your face
glows in the light of your phone
in a delightful conversation you must be having,
I lift myself from my knees
and in the indentations left on the ground,
I leave behind the part of me
that wanted you
more than I wanted
to live.