I dreamt about you;
you wrapped your arm around me
and we walked together
for a beat.
I can't remember what you said
but I do remember
the warmth of your embrace.
And then after only
a few moments
walking in stride with you,
I woke myself up.
I looked beside me in bed
at my husband,
my adoring husband,
who doesn't know I just
wanted you in my dreams.
He also doesn't know
that I have thought
of you all day now;
looked at pictures and
read old poetry about you.
I won't tell him
that I am crying right now
because of you,
because I will most likely
never see you face-to-face.
Can't believe it's been 4 years
since you left me
by the wayside;
I never received closure
with how things ended.
I never got the chance
to say goodbye to you,
farewell to our friendship
and what never became.
So many men after you,
but still I come back to you,
subconsciously even,
having reveries about you.
I don't know why
you were so significant
in my memory and why
it's so hard to forget you.
Maybe it is just that
lack of finality,
that sudden shift
from friends to strangers.
A year of casual flirting,
a week of shared fantasies,
then a year later you were
married with a baby.
And me? I was trying
to fill the void you left
kissing strangers
in the movie theater.
Never before had I
pursued random guys,
but you pushed me
to the brink.
You were 30 feet away from me
but I couldn't even
ask you how you were
without appearing jealous.
So I stopped expecting
someone to look my way
and actively searched for it
to take my mind off you.
But obviously it hasn't worked
if I can be married now
and still dwelling on you.
I wonder how you are,
how big your kids are
and if they look like you.
I think about what
could have been,
not if we were together,
but if you never
started dating that girl
I pushed you towards.
If we kept on with
our little flirtations
and you made the workday
feel a little easier.
I wish I could reach out to you,
hear your voice again,
and know why it all
played out the way it did.
sad longingdescribed with
sad longing
described with honesty..
millions before us wrote
and spoke of the pain
of breaking up someone's
marriage
... God bless you in every way
My teacher said "Why does the dead ball
moon shining with stolen light have more
power on earth than the many times
larger self luminscent stars? Proximity."
I, too, have experienced such
I, too, have experienced such reveries and dreams---a paradoxical mingling of pleasure and pain. You express it very well, very universally, in this poem; but, then again, that unverisality of emotion is one of the strengths of your poetry.
J-Called