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I dreamt about you;

you wrapped your arm around me

and we walked together 

for a beat. 

I can't remember what you said

but I do remember 

the warmth of your embrace. 

And then after only 

a few moments 

walking in stride with you,

I woke myself up.

I looked beside me in bed

at my husband,

my adoring husband,

who doesn't know I just

wanted you in my dreams.

He also doesn't know

that I have thought 

of you all day now;

looked at pictures and

read old poetry about you.

I won't tell him 

that I am crying right now

because of you,

because I will most likely

never see you face-to-face.

Can't believe it's been 4 years 

since you left me

by the wayside;

I never received closure 

with how things ended.

I never got the chance

to say goodbye to you,

farewell to our friendship

and what never became.

So many men after you,

but still I come back to you,

subconsciously even,

having reveries about you.

I don't know why 

you were so significant

in my memory and why

it's so hard to forget you.

Maybe it is just that 

lack of finality,

that sudden shift

from friends to strangers.

A year of casual flirting,

a week of shared fantasies,

then a year later you were 

married with a baby. 

And me? I was trying 

to fill the void you left

kissing strangers

in the movie theater.

Never before had I 

pursued random guys,

but you pushed me

to the brink.

You were 30 feet away from me

but I couldn't even

ask you how you were

without appearing jealous.

So I stopped expecting

someone to look my way

and actively searched for it

to take my mind off you.

But obviously it hasn't worked

if I can be married now

and still dwelling on you. 

I wonder how you are,

how big your kids are

and if they look like you.

I think about what

could have been,

not if we were together,

but if you never

started dating that girl

I pushed you towards.

If we kept on with 

our little flirtations

and you made the workday

feel a little easier. 

I wish I could reach out to you,

hear your voice again,

and know why it all 

played out the way it did.