A Beautiful Heart! [Story]

          Daisy and I got married in 2012. When I saw her first at the university, I was captivated by her beauty and innocence. She seemed perfect to me and I decided instantly to have her by my side as wife.

          When I told Daisy about my feelings, she did not lay any emphasis. However, I became obstinate and kept on trying my best and won her eventually. I cannot forget the day when Daisy did say to me that she loved me too!

          Daisy is a school-teacher now and I work at a bank. We have one beautiful daughter named Sara. She is four.

          We have everything with the blessing of the Almighty but the previous love and affection have faded away like a burning cigarette! I do not feel the same attraction for her I used to in the past.

          Perhaps, Daisy’s condition is similar as well. Every now and then, we quarrel. Whenever we argue loudly about some trifling matters before Sara, I feel extremely sad because she is only a child. Her psychological condition is what I am worried about.

          Sometimes, Daisy goes to her mom’s house without even letting me know anything. She does whatever she feels like. To her, I do not exist anymore. Whether I live or die, she does not care.

          The previous love has been replaced by hatred and curse. Whenever I am all alone like the Old Mariner in “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”, I feel like crying like a baby. My loneliness flies me back to the past when the days were as beautiful as a rainbow!

          After all these years, I have come to know that a relationship cannot last long without love. Love is like the inevitable support that binds two lives in a marital relationship.

          However, we are separate now. Yes, I have divorced Daisy a few days ago. What pains me the most now is the absence of my baby girl, Sara; I miss her smile, her way of calling me ‘dad’, her ridiculous excuses, her naughty activities, and the like.       

          The maid-servant Jenny was shocked when she heard of our separation. She has been working in this house for a long time. She is also a divorcee; she has a son named Henry.

          Sometimes, I talk to Jenny about her family, her village, etc. Whenever I talk to her, I feel a sort of celestial comfort. Her heart is as clear as a cloudless sky.

          Jenny takes care of me. I feel grateful to her for the fact that she has not talked about leaving the job. At times, she tries to realise whether I have the intention to marry again or not. However, I let her know indirectly that I am not thinking about that now.

          Jenny knows my likes and dislikes quite well. She knows when I take tea, what is my favourite food, which food arouses IBS and so on.

          Now that I am alone in my huge palace-like home, my mind has started forming an emotional bonding with Jenny. As she belongs to a poor family, I help her financially whenever she is in need.

          Even though Jenny feels a little shy taking money from me, I pay her more than she deserves. I feel extremely glad and content in helping such a poor but good girl.

          Time passes by like the ripples in the river. I am more emotionally attached to her than before. Jenny is not that reserved as she used to be earlier.

          Now, a strange transformation has occurred in me. I long for making love with Jenny. I know that it is not proper whatsoever but I feel a sort of uncontrollable desire for her.

My sexual need reminds me of “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” where Stephen Dedalus’ desire for having sex is out of control!      

          I do not know whether Jenny wants me the way I want her or not. Her manner seems as usual to us; I have not sensed anything different. Whenever she does smile like Vinci’s Mona Lisa, I feel like embracing her and kissing her for eternity!

          During the night, when Jenny is not around and I am on my own, I think about passing intimate time with her. I ask myself, “Does she miss me the way I miss her?”

          One day, when I am extremely ill and bedridden, Jenny comes close to me and touches my forehead to feel the temperature. I open my eyes and look at her; in her sky-blue eyes, I see the endless love and affection for me.

          Perhaps, it is destiny! Perhaps, it is to happen! Perhaps, Jenny is sent from heaven for me; to serve me, to be my side so that I may not destroy myself by committing suicide.

          Sometimes, the thought of committing suicide appears in my brain. No, I am not a weak-hearted person; I would rather be like Paul in “Sons and Lovers” who moves towards the ‘light’ at the end of the novel.

Like the vanishing of the vapour, my affliction is being reduced gradually by the warmth of this very girl, Jenny.

          After getting well soon, I let Jenny know that I am extremely grateful for her gracious support. Without her assistance and care, I would have died by now.

          My daughter Sara does not ever call me. But, I talk to her every week. If Jenny inquires of whether Sara calls me or not, I lie to her saying that she does call me. Actually, I want Jenny to realise that Sara loves me and misses me so much.

          I do not meet my friends now the way I did before. I discover that I am turning into an introvert and unsocial person gradually. Jenny suggests me to go for a walk in the nearby park and to rendezvous with my friends.

          Working at the bank, eating, watching TV, and sleeping have contributed to one thing- I am putting on weight day by day. As I do not exercise anymore, I am getting fat fast.

          One day, I ask Jenny about her dreams in life. She tells me that she does not have any dreams. She asks me if I have any; I let her know that I have a dream to make films. Hearing this, Jenny tells me that I must work hard to translate my dream into reality.

          Jenny is absolutely right; I must start from somewhere; eating and sleeping are not going to lead me anywhere. Being an ambitious person, I have always longed for being known, being famous.

          I find most of the people’s lives suck. I think that everyone in this world is born with a particular purpose. Everyone has to play his significant part and contribute to the progressive civilisation.

          Once I tell Jenny that being rich is not more important than being well-known by doing something worthwhile. She agrees with me entirely on this point.

On occasion, I think of my ancestors who are hardly known to anyone now. I mean to say that they did not leave their marks by which they could glow like the stars even now!

Obviously, I get philosophical but at the same time my desire for having sex with Jenny pops up. If I make love with her, she may not respect me as before; she may stop coming to my house; she may tell her relatives about this- all these notions keep on emerging in my brain like viruses!

Since I want to be a filmmaker, I need to go to places. In other words, I will be a busy person once I start my project. Therefore, marriage is not going to work for me.

Yes, I know that there are numerous directors who are married and at the same time successful in their works. But, I feel that I may not be able to provide my would-be wife with needed time. I do not want to do such injustice.

My loneliness makes me think that if I have to go to another city or country due to shooting-purpose, will Jenny miss my absence? In my heart, Daisy’s place has been replaced by Jenny!

I do not miss Daisy at all. This is how time erases the memories and pains slowly but successfully. The person, who used to be my breath, is like a thrown away basket now.

On the other hand, the person who is socially inferior has turned into someone valuable and respectable in my eyes. I think that I must let jenny know about my feelings for her; if she refuses, then I will not compel her.       

Since I have already known that a relationship needs love to grow, to be firm or solid as water and sunlight help a plant to grow up fast. 

          But, I cannot say what I want to; I suffer from “to say or not to say” complex now. I think that I have turned into a confused Hamlet!

          One day, I decide to ay my mind bare to Jenny. Since it is Sunday, I am at home; I keep on waiting for her but she does not turn up. I try to call her but the phone is switched off!

          Jenny does not come that day. I think that she must be in some sort of problem. The next morning, before reaching the bank, I think of knowing about Jenny’s whereabouts first.

          When I reached Jenny’s home, one of her distant relatives informed me that she died yesterday in a street accident. I was so shocked hearing the sad news that I cannot say anything as if I lost my speech!

          While rushing towards the bank, I think about Jenny’s untold dreams; yes, I am sure that she did have certain dreams even though she did not let me know about them.

Now, I cannot but think that one short life is nothing to provide the dreams with wings to fly!

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