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You Always Loved Her
I knew you loved her
Or why would you care
Enough to be angry,
For tempers not to dissipate
But to roil and flare.
Whether we shared anything special
Between us matters not,
Clearly you needed her to need you
More than I could have thought.
I never knew anyone as much as you
In only four weeks
Only to wake up to learn
It wasn't ever true.
I never so much as replaced her,
A temporary stand-in to receive
Your undying love
That's all I was those days
Naught but symbolic,
In her absence, a turtledove.
The stars shined brigter
The night we were first mistaken,
I have slumbered well since then
Until you ebbed and I awakened.
The songs we shared,
Serendipitous they seemed,
Same as the kisses you loaned
Were then in her redeemed.
You always loved her
Discarding pictures from your wallet
Was a guise
So you could forget her for a while
Until you next in rapture locked eyes.
It was painful separation,
At least I did my part to dull the ache,
While retaining a part of my heart
Lest in your desparate vice grip
It would break.
Her heart was molded to your hand,
It could withstand the wear and tear,
Succumbing to your bitterness,
She was as high to heaven
As a martyr's final prayer.
At last I took your departing blow
As naught but an "I have to go,
Enjoyed my stay,
(So I'll let you believe)
Now I'm back on my way
My only love awaits my reprieve."
It is so strange to feel this way,
Neither hating you,
Nor enduring heartache from
Our fruitless foray
Since you've gone back
Into love's open arms
All prior loves were false alarms,
I've had my lot of rash attempts
Knowing there will be none
As good to me as you
In this game from which
I will not be exempt.
Was it love I was looking for
Or just a playful jaunt?
If I had never walked into your life
Would you be the one who got away
And to me will ever haunt?
I'm not nearly as selective
And of my dignity hardly protective,
I think I just want the rush,
But all must end in this
Charade we twist and bend,
And desire will seldom with fate
More than brush.
