He promised me he'd make me feel something I had never felt before

And he did. He did make me feel what I had never felt before. He made me feel helpless and weak. He made me feel stupid and betrayed. He made me feel worthless and broken. I beat myself up trying to think of the reason why someone could feel like they have the right to treat someone like they have no fucking feelings? I loved him. He was supposed to give me happiness. Not sleepless nights were all I can see are flashbacks of me struggling crying on the ground pleading him to stop. I feel so stupid not being able to stop crying every night , I’m a grown up. I’m supossed to get over it and move on. But I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. And there’s nothing I hate more than that. Makes me feel so ashamed of myself. How could I have been so weak? Why couldn’t I fight back and succeed? My strenght was admired my whole life, how should I now explain I was completely broken by a boy I grew a whole garden for? How should I even explain I couldn’t even take a boy off of me? Its so embarrassing I had to lie to my friends. I had to hide it from my family. I had to keep it inside. I prefer to let it rot me inside one day at a time than let people know I am not a beautiful flower but an insignificant little insect that’s been already stepped on. I hate him for making me this way. But not more than I hate the fact that I still love him. I love him and I probably keep doing so forever. And that kills me more than the memory.

Author's Notes/Comments:

This was a little harder to post because it speaks of something very delicate but I feel confort in being anonymous.Anyways this is something I wrote on a sleepless night about a guy I truly loved. I thought it was the best relationship I had had until he showed me his ugly dark side and became the worst relationship I have ever had. Honestly, I'm not over it. Its been months and I cannot forget it or actually believe the same guy who gave me hapiness was also the one who ripped it all away. Its ironic and fucking upsetting but this is exactly why I created this account. To at least tell someone and maybe that way I'll feel a little better. And also I feel like I have a liiiiiitle bit of talent more people needed to see :p