Looked Good

Folder: 
Discipline

 

Well I think I finally did it.

It is sort of a good thing,

yet somehow it doesn't

seem like it.

 

I know the guy I used to be four

to five years ago would hate me

right about now.

 

But that's where I am.

 

I gave up something that seemed

so right.

And for a very long time,

I talked myself into think it was right.

 

The "it" being a "she"

And long before my last relationship.

 

But she looked the way she did,

with a smooth talk,

and great personality,

afterall she accepted me in part.

 

At least she was never embarassed

to be with me in public.

At least she gave me the time of day,

treated me well in her company.

 

It was nice to actually have a one

on one with a good freind of

the opposite sex.

 

It felt great,

not because it boosted

my self esteem,

but because I was treated

like I have never been

treated before.

 

Noone has done this with me,

no matter how small it might

seem to others,

it meant the world to me.

 

And now I do not know

if another would treat

me as she did.

 

A choice had to be made,

one beyond the desire I had.

One greater than myself,

not knowing if I would ever

have another one like it.

 

To be treated as I did,

and let it go,

all for the sake of

growing I know I should.

 

Not being held prisoner by

my desire and wants,

to be held down if I

persued.

 

And now to wait once more

for the desire to be filled.

 

Hopefully the next one

will do more than just

look good.

 

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