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I wish I could redo some of my life,

not all of it.

Parts of it.

As all was not the problem,

the problem was always there.

Me.

I had become bitter,

dark, and blunt.

My life was full of

disappointments,

things never turning out

for me.

I resented life,

I took myself out

of society.

Not wanting to be a part of it,

rejection was all too common.

My life spiraled into darkness.

My heart was as black as night,

and dead to the world.

Despair can only do so much.

Bitterness will never solve anything.

My issue seemed to affect more

people than I thought,

even though I has seen  my errors

and my stupidity.

Yet I still pay consequences

for my actions.

Sometimes I forget how bad I really was.

I was a virus,

a plague that

no one wanted to be around.

That darkness in the room,

that was me.

Even my humor was dark (still is)

but ever wanting to change.

But it gets harder when I

know I am still alone.

When after I try to change and

apologize,

it seems like it's too late.

Like my actions now don't

really matter.

Because in some capacity,

I was where I once started.

Alone.

Where my cycle started

and now ended.

And I really don't want to go

through that again.

I got where I wanted to be.

I want to breask this cycle.