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New year Resolution

I never bought into it,
making resolutions for the new year.

If I tried to, 
I did so on my birthday.

To turn over a new leaf,
to try to change myself.

Not for acceptance by others,
but for myself.

As there are parts of me
that I really dislike.

From my peers
to friends,

I seem to make controversy
for them.

I say what's on my mind,
even though others think it.

I seem to make waves
with my words.

  have never been the
delicate type.

I have been jagged and raw
to my inner core.

Maybe it's because of my life
how it hasn't played out to my liking.

Maybe I have just turned a blind eye
to everyone else, being selfish.

I guess the excuses could be endless,
but in the end, it's my own fault.

I deserve everything that happens to me,
the repercussions, the effects of my actions.

Maybe I should make a resolution again,
to refine me again.

Maybe one day I will be who
I want to be.

And possibly being accepted by
others, including myself.

I want a new life, a new year,
I need this resolution.