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Child, Listen.
Child, listen as the candle chimes,
And the clock burns slowly lower.
Wax hits the hands and time goes oh-so slower.
Child, listen as the candle chimes,
And the clock burns slowly lower.
Wax hits the hands and time goes oh-so slower.
I loved the way you flipped
I loved the way you flipped the first two parts but i feel the last line was not as strong as the start of the poem, I don;t know time goes silent or soemthing just seems to fit it better, wax hitting the hand would make sound so the flip to that is silence....or maybe time goes nowhere. I don't know, it coud also just be that the word slowly and slower were sued too close together...I tend to get caught up on those tiny things
Much Love
Ashley
I do see your point, looking
I do see your point, looking back. I don't think I can change it, I would probably mess it up more now that I don't remember what exactly my muse was for this poem. Thank you very much for taking time to give constructive crit. :) It means a lot.
Love,
LovingLovelace
If your mirror doesn't find you one of the most beautiful people it has ever seen, punch it and find a better mirror.
:) it is a good poem, I can
:) it is a good poem, I can just be picky at times
I enjoy your writing very much!
Much Love
Ashley