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Love is a disease i would love to catch

i want it to infect me i want to be a carrier spread the virus

i want to inhale in, it coating my lunges just to feel for one second how it feels

i feel at times i've been vaccinated, warding off all feelings 

I'm so cold at times i look at people and all i see is..... nothing, i see nothing i see through, hear noises, taste, smell, but i don't see them

I live in a lab, sterile of emotions, i see this disease in others how happy they are, but never truly knowing it.

I've felt pings of life in my cold near dead soul
but i crush it push it down saying "its never going to happen, she will never feel the same"

am i hurting my chances or saving myself from pain, i won't know until mess it up or find something

I can feel a faint beat, of something not dead, cold, alive?

it can't be? i don't feel, love, anymore, maybe, just maybe it can be saved

Love is..... what i need to stay alive.