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i hold on to the pain
I hold on to the pain, because it is real and it is mine,
It’s a pain that has not lessened even after all this time.
In the aftermath of you death,
The pain I carry is all I have left.
I live with a broken heart I cannot repair,
And once again I find myself saying no one ever told me life was fair.
It starts every year about this time,
And there is no relief at least that I can find.
I hate this time of year,
It brings to life my greatest fears.
I dread the leave starting to fall to the ground,
I hear myself screaming, but the ones around me never hear a sound.
And I don’t believe they ever will,
They can’t comprehend the pain, regret, emptiness, grief, or love I feel.
The coldness envelopes my heart,
It reminds me of the day my whole world fell apart.
I hate how pretty you grave looks in the cold frost.
Your grave is a reminder of all I lost.
People tell me it has been eight years, are you not over it by now? ,
And all I can say is how,
How do you let go, how do you forget, how do you live with the regret,
How do you not let the pain show?
Tell me so I will know.
How do you get rid of the emptiness in my heart?
I am not sure I would even know where to start.
How do you let yourself free from all the blame?
How do I let go of the pain?
