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Hypocrisy & My Life
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Thoughts HYPOCRISY & CONFORMITY
We are all, by nature, hypocrites. It's just our nature to contradict ourselves, both in the immidiate and future tenses; it is a part of our learning process and to deny this is to deny our own advancement and gaining of knowledge. Views are always changing, both how we look at the world and how the world looks at us. Just as the sun rises and sets, time changes too. What was a truth months, years, or centuries ago can be proven wrong, shot-down by popular vote, or even forgotten. The world once thought of itself as flat, the center of the Universe, and with Europe, Asia, and Africa as it's only landmasses; it was all proven wrong by men who did not let society quell the shouting of the truth. Some of them died, most lost their popularity with the public and denounced by kings and nobles as Heretics. This is the world we live in, these are the people who make it, and this is what we must deal within ourselves. Do not restrain yourself for fear of life and liberty, for these are the principles of the United States Constitution, created by men who fought tyranny and oppression, slavery and injustice, men who put their lives at risk, their names at stake, and their freedom in jeopardy. Follow their example and blaze your own trail, leave a mark that you can say is your own. For that is all we have in this world, a mark in the timeline, if even that. Emerson's Essay "Self-Reliance" inspired me to write this--I'm no Transcendentalist but the guy had a damn good idea, i'll say.
LIFE
I moved to a new town/city after my brother's death in mid 2000 at the age of 15. I was reclusive, depressed, and an outcaste even before his death, but now, it had become nearly complete isolation to the world. I had missed out on alot of socializing in my earlier years because of my dad's military career and my mom's renovation-frenzy thing of hers. In autumn of 95 we moved from my long-time home of Tennessee(3 1/2 years) to North Carolina, where we lived for some years, I went from being a completely cool, everyone's-friend to a social recluse. I was picked on, beat-down (when I didn't fight back) and cursed at. Keep in mind, this is only 5th grade for me. After that I was home-schooled 6th and skipped 7th when we moved to Virginia. I attended a private school where I met my best friend(and still to this day) but, even here, I was still an outcaste because the rich kids went here--I was a poor white boy. I got into a few fights, cussed some, and I was even picked-on by a teacher. My Spanish teacher would sit me in the middle of the class room with all the other desks in a circle while they threw spitballs, balled-up paper, and other solid objects while he pretended to teach, laughing the whole time... needless to say, everyone else passed that class while I feared for my life and failed with a decimal point average. I was kicked out of that school, but not before I got the teacher fired, with the help of my mom. I finished out my 8th grade year at a public middle school where I was, again, an outcaste. Everyone else was having sex, doing drugs, and in gangs. I was, again, picked on, beat-up after class and mocked at in all my classes. I made no lasting friends there. I went on to high school where my popularity changed some. I made a few friends, close ones, and one even had a crush on me. I got my first nicknames there: woodstock, hippie boy, tye-dye, raggity anne the man, Dirk(German class) and even CrackHead, due to my eccentricities. I had a crush then on an older student but that never came to be, of course. Anyway, moved onto a neighboring hs for my 10th grade year where I met another good friend and some other unique fellows. I earned the nicknames Sheep Fucker, Hippie, Handlebars(due to my long hair, me being the only one WITH it, that is),and Shorty here. oh, forgot to mention my grades for my 9th and 10th grades were D averages. It was in this place that my eldest brother of 19 years and 3 days committed suicide and all hell broke loose. My dad is an unstable paranoid schizo who leaves us off and on through all my mom's 26 years of marriage to him. he had left us only a few months before my bro's death and came back and stayed for a few months afterward and then left again. i fell into a depression like none before and lost all hope with life and the such. i moved to a small town/city thing(as i said at the opening) where I met my first love, to which I have dedicated an entire section to--Obsession. It was here that I became who I am today--an outgoing, non-caring kinda guy. I earned several nick names there--Little Leprechaun, Joker, Lillie, Freak, Pablo, and Squeaky--all of which I am very fond of. I learnt my hardest lessons there: friends, 2-facers, trust in a relationship, friend circles(the hell of all things), peer pressure, and even being hated/feared by superiors of the school--interesting experiences, indeed. I stayed with her for over 2 years, worked for her, loved her, smoked with her, and shared the married life with her by living just across the hall from her for some 11 months to a year. I'll tell you, buddy, the married life aint for this man. You fight over the dumbest things, all the time, anytime. Things get old, temptation grows strong, and life seems routine. All in all, love in a teen relationship is silly and dangerous, just begging for trouble. anyway, after separating from her I moved to the middle of nowhere, which is where I am now. I feel good about where I am beause I am liked, laughed at--both for my stupidy and for my 'antics', as one student put it. I earned the name Fencehopper with one of those antics. Life could be a hell of a lot better but, with my experience, I ask for nothing and expect nothing--I am never dissappointed. Hope you enjoyed the lecture and, please:
FEEL FREE TO BE CRITICAL OF MY WORK AND ESSAY-THINGS.
There are many details I left out of this story, mainly about Social Services, specific houses we owned(I cut down the areas we lived in to general areas instead of every certain house), and shit that happ'd with friends and family.
