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A Rock and a Hard Place
A Rock and a Hard Place
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is lie. I think the reason why people hide their true feelings is because everyone else does too. It’s kind of sad really. People could be missing out on the best thing that will ever happen to them because they are too afraid to be vulnerable. They are too afraid to let someone get close enough to hurt them. They’re too afraid to be rejected or let down.
I guess that’s why friends with benefits was easier to deal with. I didn’t expect anything and didn’t want to because it’s even more disappointing when you don’t come through. I kept you at a safe distance and I never let my feelings get the best of me because I had no right to care so much.
Now, I feel like there is a wall between us. There is still that line that we are both afraid to cross because we’ve been friends for so long. I want to let you in but it scares me to think that you could mean everything to me. I really care about you, maybe more than I’m willing to admit, but I don’t want to give into those feelings unless you give me permission.
In a way, I’m still waiting for you to make the first move. I wish that you could show me how you feel instead of just telling me. I wish that I could trust in you completely because I’m never sure if this is real. I’m never sure if you really see me or if you wish that I was someone else. I find myself doubting the truth in your words or the look in your eyes because I’m always holding back. Do you want to know the truth?
Whenever I see you, my heart ignites and I’m breathless. In those few moments when it’s just you and me, I feel alive. It’s like the fear, excitement and dread of jumping out of a plane without knowing when I’ll hit the bottom. It’s that moment before that leap of faith when my heart seems to go faster and stops all at the same time. My stomach drops a mile down and my mind is so high and clear because there is only one choice. It’s you.
Right now, I find myself between a rock and a hard place because I don’t want to risk everything. I always seem to lose. And as unromantic as this sounds, it really sucks.
It’s absolutely terrible to be left with nothing, but I guess that when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. So, I choose you…if you want me to. If you let me, I’ll thrill you, challenge you, surprise you, and maybe even love you.
If you give me strength, I’ll take a running start and fall. I don’t know whether fear is a blessing or curse; a coat of armor or an eternal prison but I’m tired of being cold and cynical. I want to feel the magic and warmth that only you can give me. I want to tell you everything and know that it’s ok. I want you to trust in me and take me seriously.
I’m yours to hold and confide in. All you have to do is reach for me. Don’t take me for granted because you know I’ll always be there. And I will. But eventually, I’ll get tired of waiting, and when that happens, I hope that I’m strong enough to walk away. I don’t need you or anyone to save me.
Instead of catching me, I want you to jump with me. Maybe it’s not fair to ask for so much, but if you take a chance with me, I’ll be right beside you.
