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Tonight
Tonight I cry – no, weep for you.
Tonight my soul hurts through and through
as I mourn the loss of what you never had, never were, never could be.
What you were robbed of, deprived of, what should have been so easy.
I’ve watched, I’ve listened, I’ve sat patiently by
while I struggled to understand, learn the reasons why
you find yourself so tough, strong, cold.
Why there is an impenetrable shield you hold
onto so tightly – clenched in your fists
that not even with the most fervent of wish
can I get you to lower enough to see
that what has been is not what always must be.
Tonight I sob – let the tears run down
my face, to the floor, across the street, through the town
as I think back and imagine all the things you went through
back in the time long before I met you.
When you were a young boy – innocent, sweet –
on a hot summer day, looking for a treat
from the ice cream truck, maybe a trip to the pool
something to beat the heat and stay cool.
To many you were just a boy outside to play,
but how could they not see the darkness that lay
just beneath the surface of your skin?
The secrets that you held within
of all your struggles, your pain, your fears?
How could they NOT see your tears?
You were a child, how could they not know?
There must have been signs that you had to show.
How could they ignore what must have been clear?
How could you hide it year after year?
Tonight I have anger – a foreign feeling for me
as I was raised where happiness always ran free
as a bird sailing through the cerulean sky
and fury was a fictional thing – even a lie.
But this rage that I am consumed with is very much real
as I think about a young man who was dealt a raw deal.
A teenager who needed wisdom and guidance
but instead found himself trying to avoid violence
from a place where harm should never be found.
A locale that should have been hallowed ground –
a place of sanctity, where he could always feel safe.
A destination to always return to...home base.
But what should have been your life’s strongest shield
was more of a dagger someone chose to wield
against you instead of raising it in your defense.
Why did you have to keep up the pretense
that everything was just fine and alright?
Why couldn’t there be someone to fight
on your side when you couldn’t fight anymore?
And why were you so alone in this war?
Tonight I wail in the pit of my heart
when I think about how we were worlds apart
in our life experiences, while physically so close.
Why was I born on a bed as soft as a rose
while you, my love, were left with the thorns?
What determines the lot to which we are born?
I was given every advantage, support and most of all love.
You were destined to face trials, tribulations and even a shove
out of the nest. The security, of a mother’s warm embrace
was denied you. You lived in a dark desolate place
where you were forced to endure trials befitting a man
at such a young age – I do not know if I can
even imagine how you made it through –
how you survived, prospered, became remarkable You.
Yet tonight, I see hope. I see a light in the end.
I’m not quite sure how it can be, my dear friend,
that one man can bear all the pains you have borne
and be so amazing – how you weathered the storm
and came out unscathed to the naked eye,
though I see the scars you so carefully hide
as you move forward becoming the best you can be:
a proud father, a real gentleman, a true friend to me.
I know that you bent, much further than most
yet you never broke…never gave up the ghost
to those who tried so hard to destroy your spirit.
You kept your head high and said to those who could hear it
“I am a man – at times an enigma to you
but to those I allow in my life I am true.
To those who have tried to beat me back
understand all you did is show how you lack
any sort of character, morals or strength.
You taught me I could go to incredible lengths
to achieve the amazing things I am destined to do.
And I will reach them all in spite of those like you.”
Tonight I look upon your face with pride.
I realize that though a part of your childhood died
a premature death, having never reached maturity,
without all your pain, the man you were destined to be
could not have come to fruition so well.
You would not be the very man who I fell
for so hard, so completely, so profoundly, so deep.
And now as I lay here and watch you quietly sleep
I realize there is absolutely nothing I would not do
to ensure your dark days are long gone, over, through.
I think perhaps you are my destiny
for you’ve never had a protector quite like me.
One who revels in the brightness of life
who can bask in its radiance having lived without strife.
A woman who protects those she cherishes most;
whose sunshiney disposition makes her the paramount host
to those she chooses to gather in an embrace
of warmth and smiles – who makes them feel safe.
I want nothing more than to share with you my light.
To show you uncompromising joy day and night.
If you trust me enough to be held in my heart
I know this is the beginning of a wonderful part
of your life you never dreamed could come true.
It’s the part where a woman unconditionally loves you.
