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A Night Like None Other
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Three The sky's clear now and
The sun is going down
Folding within itself
Trying to savor it's orange tint
I know all I'll remember from this evening
Is the feeling of the autumn air
Leaves crunching under feet cuz I'm leaving
Lever 2000 lingers on your skin as I hug you close
The seat next to me is filled all because of you
And I know all I'll remember from this night
Is that street light
And being in your arms everything being alright
Alright for the first time in ages
I'm aging slowly
Losing warmth from this autumn air
The jacket you shared was just right for me
You're just right for me and so was this night
I don't mean to be critical but I do believe that the echo of the echo is a bit much for this piece and it tends to draw your attention form what is really going on. Take for instance edgar allen poe's piece entitled the bells, this was meant to annoy the reader through repetition at the bells annoyed poe while he was spending the night in the hospital. Try maybe echoing the thing that is running through your mind in a more subtle way.....for instance. ...and this echo in my mind...I wanna run away with you....run away with you by my side. Remember that everything is up to you because it is after all your poem and that what I think doesn't matter. However, overall I really enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the good work!!
You have recreated and shared the special moments very effectively via your verses. Thank you. Love and peace,
Regis