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A Wish
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The Old Stuff A wish,
floating in the air
clasp
in a small, fragile hand
soft, innocent lips
blow the wish away
to another little girl
prancing in a summer dress
A dream
that dreams may come true
float
on a flying marshmallow
as the gentle wind
blows the puffy cloud away
to visit another part of the sky
A countenance
with sparkling eyes
close
girls are made princesses
boys are made heroes
rainbows forever graze the sky
A wish,
floating in the air
careless and free
dancing endlessly
wonderfull
i loved it
Hello !!
A Wish
A wish,floating in the air,
clasp
in a small, fragile hand
soft, innocent lips
blow the wish away
to another little girl
prancing in a summer dress
(you write so gently, this is a soft,
innocent start...almost emminating joy
as it was written...I feel.)
A dream
that dreams may come true
float
on a flying marshmallow
as the gentle wind
blows the puffy cloud away
to visit another part of the sky
"A countenance
with sparkling eyes
close"....
(This bit is very "prose" stronger than the rest..
a sign of showing one's true self...countenance,
could be quiet and reserved also...)
(I wouldn't have used the word "blow"
in this bit, try to look for other words which
mean the same..such as push/threw/tapped/...ect..
you get what I mean...)
girls are made princesses
boys are made heroes
rainbows forever graze the sky
A wish,
floating in the air
careless and free
dancing endlessly
(Nice ending...fresh as usual, dripping in colour)
This is my first critique today....it's been a nice start !!...