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A Paragon Broken Free
Folder:
The Old Stuff A paragon of youth
Filled my mind
With hope, peace, joy and perfection.
An illusion made clear
Broke the chains,
Emotions flowing everywhere.
This saltiness that keeps dripping,
Drips of changing colors
As the sun rises and sets.
This batter mixing,
Mixes together
More defined with each stroke.
Now Shakespeare's question
Becomes something more.
Not "To be or not to be?"
But "What to be?"
A question not answered my morale,
But by thought.
What becomes of a being of Adam and Eve
When thought turns a mind to sediment,
Flowing mindlessly through the river,
Ever-changing and never-ending?
A river of vast confusion,
A river pulled by the heart.
As the clock ticks,
The river dries.
As the hands shift,
The river bed cracks.
But eventually the rain pours down,
Again filling the mind with confusion.
I feel I over-did the space allowed earlier....
lol..
Now Shakespeare's question
Becomes something more.
Not "To be or not to be?"
But "What to be?"
A question not answered my morale,
But by thought.
(Clever stuff....directs your emotion to
a simple question "What matters ??",,are we what we
seem to be or not ??)
What becomes of a being of Adam and Eve
When thought turns a mind to sediment,
(brilliant lines....life retorts in her thought,
repeats the shit continually....beautiful lines)
Flowing mindlessly through the river,
Ever-changing and never-ending?
A river of vast confusion,
A river pulled by the heart.
(you try and try and try....emphasised here.)
As the clock ticks,
The river dries.
As the hands shift,
The river bed cracks.
But eventually the rain pours down,
Again filling the mind with confusion.
(you are my soul-mate LOL....what wonderful expression,
this is the best one I have read on this forum.....
keep the writing up...you don't seem to be afflicted
with the disease of conventionality, which is
a huge advantage as a writer....)
A Paragon Broken Free
A paragon of youth
Filled my mind
With hope, peace, joy and perfection.
An illusion made clear
Broke the chains,
Emotions flowing everywhere.
(A great start...sets the scene beautifully....
emotions flowing everywhere...I know that one !!..)
This saltiness that keeps dripping,
Drips of changing colors
As the sun rises and sets.
This batter mixing,
Mixes together
More defined with each stroke.
(I hope this is symboloic, because I feel
this is fu**ing excellent, great imagery
and slight metaphor in a strong opening
line, it's brilliant....)
Now Shakespeare's question
Becomes something more.
Not