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Separation of pigment
Separated, disregarded, and thrown away
Equality has perished
Actions of heart mean nothing
Judgment by appearance
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
He marches forward through the hate
Judged by many stopped by none
overcoming the shackles placed on us
steady he says do not rush.
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
He fights for our justice
our rights as we see them
the things every human should have
we just want to be treated as they are.
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
It’s David vs. Goliath
underdogs and the kings
saints and the sinners
But we are just the same.
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
It’s as if this is our war of the worlds
gradually winning, yet so far away
none greater than that man
Nelson Mandela has led us to rebellion
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
The last half of the poem was
The last half of the poem was really good and you seem to come more into your own in the last half. Before this was harder to read because of the seperation of lines and lack of comma's/full stops. But I enjoyed this piece, and the message.
I'm no expert but I'd recomend it more like this:
Separated, disregarded, and thrown away
Equality has perished
Actions of heart mean nothing
Judgment by appearance:
Judged by many, stopped by none
overcoming the shackles placed on us
steady he says do not rush.
It’s David vs. Goliath
underdogs and the kings
saints and the sinners
But we are just the same
He marches on through the hate
It’s as if this is our war of the worlds
gradually winning, yet so far away
none greater than that man
Nelson Mandela has led us to rebellion
The Separation by color
It hurts but none can change it
It burns inside but we keep advancing
No blockades can stop us.
--
that's just an idea of course, but it gets your point across better. Just try not to repeat the same line more than once, sometimes it works to have it repeated as a resolve to reinforce the statement.
u.s. view
I kept thinking of the Selma Marches and Bus Boycotts, Ghandi making salt, Nelson in prison as I read this poem. I'd trade every repeated line for one concrete example from history. ~~A~~
hey
hey. read this poem...the title "jumped" out at me. i've written about racism/discrimination myself. i like how you express that it's history, no one can change it, and the repeation is like their emotions flowing down their faces in forms of tears. this is poem is a mixture of creativity, history, and is an inspiration to stop discrimination. wonderfully done.