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Pillow save me
Folder:
Sadness Angels please take my soul and hide it well
My tear filled pillow is all thats keeping me from hell
Im falling back and forth not sure which way to go
I think death will solve all of my problem though
The yelling and screaming is going to end
one way or another my message will send
This little note while im away
Please get through and win the day
Maybe then my problem will be clear
perhaps they dont care is what i fear
Its why i cry and wish to die
pillow save me until my fallen angel can fly
luv it
Ok, I made basic corrections in the quotes and comments afterwards.
"Angels please take my soul and hide it well
My tear-filled pillow is all thats keeping me from hell"
I like the pillow imagery, but I think I said something about a pillow once and you hated it...("She curses at a pillow" from RED)
"Im falling back and forth not sure which way to go
I think death will solve all of my problem though"
I'd suggest a different word then falling, but I actually think it's a good visual word because you're not just rocking back and forth, you fall no matter what you do. Love it.
"The yelling and screaming is going to end
one way or another my message will send"
Ok...go on to my next comment
"This little note while im away
Please get through and win the day"
Combine this stanza with the last so it flows nicer. Otherwise it makes no sense.
"Maybe then my problem will be clear
perhaps they dont care is what i fear"
perhaps their lack of care is what I fear? flows nicer I think
"Its why i cry and wish to die
pillow save me until my fallen angel can fly"
woohoo you used the correct version of "its". maybe make the last line O, pillow save me...etc. I think the "O" emphasizes that you're addressing the pillow.
One last thing...awesome