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journal entrys If gods up there and we all have doubts why does he not come to comfort us and show us straight out hes there ? itd help a lot! Atleast leave me releived. Outta all the crap in life having to wake up some morning with a cold sweat on your face and having had a nightmare that when u died there was nothing else. Complete nothingness is easily taken by those too incompetant to truly understand what it means. Any happy moment or sad moment or any moment thats worth remembering and holding onto, its gone, your gone..... theres nothing left. When i die i dont wanna feel like a computer thats shutting down for its last time. Id not like my eyez to haze into darkness as if the monitor lost its power. I want their to be something else, but its just so hard to keep faith when you have so many different religions and colts and everything it all just seems like a big scam. Im not sure if any of my prayers were ever answered. I asked for a sign once to see if something wouldwork out, i got what i asked for but it might been coincidence. Sure this may seem boring and the same shit over and over being redundant but ! it means something to me! this is my fear ! being without a soul... All my life i thought the only thing keeping me alive was my soul waiting for somebody. But if i dont have one, then who am i waiting for ? and would love even be true ? or is this all just a big science project in an evergoing void of darkness with neverending stars and sadness. Like a looking into the eyes of a person who is sad. My eyes hold no stars, they are grim. Greyish blue and cloudy. My eyes reflect my insides too well. I wish somebody else would look at them, maybe they could save me if they saw what i see. Maybe i could save them, if i saw what they see. oh well in the blackest pit of hell could no torture be as great as not existing, because atleast in my torture id have my soul to hold onto, nobody can take that, nobody.
the fact that you got something you asked for may very well have been coincidence. but how long can you give coincidence credit? you know. if there wasn't something out ther, a greater power or a God...how did this world come to be? a tiny explosion in an atom? how did the atom get there? as for God not showing us...it's not that he doesn't show us...it's just that so many of us try so hard to see...that we are blinded. what we need and are really searching for, is right in front of us. God [well, i believe] doesn't force himself on anyone. we aren't puppets in his show. do you think people would really believe if God consistently showed himself? no. like doctors who have patients who are dying...then out of nowhere the cancer is gone...how many more times does stuff like that have to happen before it's no longer a coincidence. ok. sorry. i'm no bible banger. ;D
*hug*
Just the fact that you can write something like this proves you have a soul worth protecting. As for God, he works through coinsidence. Almost nothing God does comes with a label "God did this" on it. God answers all prayers, if you pray for something and don't recieve it it was because for some reason you were meant to do without it, to humble or to build character or for the sake of other people. But he does answer them. He doesn't just come down out of heaven because he shouldn't have to prove himself to us. For us to choose to believe in him through faith and trust alone is the ultimate sign of love. But the proof is all over. How did everything get here? I personally believe in evolution- God created evolution. Furthur back- the big bang- how did the original particles of matter come into existance? It all started somewhere and thats where science and philosophy clash. In the end- what does it hurt to believe in God? I've been a christian since last july (i was saved a camp i went to with my cousin) and i can honestly tell you that once i put 100% of my trust into God, it felt like an elephant was lifted off of my chest. I could SEE. It was as if this huge veil was lifted from my eyes and for the first time I GOT life. Like yesterday i was sitting out on my deck and there are a bunch of trees and plants in my back yard- i could close my eyes and feel the life around me. Thats what God does. He reveils the soul of everything (because when it comes down to it everyone is simply a soul in a 3D shell). Im not trying to shove God down your throat. Im just saying the same thoughts were running through my head last year, it got to the point i didn't see the point of life, i got bored, eventually that got me depressed and i finally didn't see the purpose of waking up anymore. But there's an essence to life that i've found through this. Im sorry if i seemed imposing. I hope the stars will shine for you.
You do have stars in your eyes...they are not grim.
And It will all work out. and he is there. and has
answered one of your prayers.