a glimse of light and you're gone again
the passion makes me weak so I succumb to you
crimson lips and persistant tongue
your icy gaze takes me over
I see through your wicked intentions, and it excites me
so claim me now and take my innocence
come quick and steal my essense, my very heart
and introduce to me the night and all of its casualties
vulnerable neck, a place to draw strength...
now feed to me your everlasting youth
it rolls off my tongue like the sweet nectar of immortality
and imparts its beauty...its chaos here in my fading soul
falling to the floor I know what you've done
but we must be patient, the change is delicate
yellow eyes are hungrily darting around now
I know I must find a soul to sustain me
so I emerse myself in the night and search for my prey
knowing that this is the end and I'll never be the same
but I've never felt more alive...
even though this idea may not be 100% original, your point of view is. i love the details, utilizing adjectives for emphasis. you pay close attention to your subject, therefore relaying to the reader who knows nothing, everything essential to the topic. as a bonus, the mood is in tune with the material. slow, an almost mysterious atmosphere completes your words. i am impressed.
MR