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You'll find better love..
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Loveeeee today was a good day,
tomorrow shall be better,
hanging on to you isn't
what im gonna do anymore.
you'll find better love,
she will walk your way,
she will hold you closer then before,
she will know your secrets you
never told me.
and ill be okay with that.
you'll find better love.
she will guide you,
she will be your toughest enemy,
she will be your guardian angel.
and ill be okay with that,
cause you'll find better love.
she will whisper sweet things to you,
she will kiss you like you have never been
kissed like before,
she will be your true partner,
and ill be okay with that,
cause you'll find better love.
she will be your strong heart,
she will never judge you,
she will be there for you threw good and bad,
and ill be okay with that
cause you'll find better love.
cause baby you were once that to me,
that girl use to be me, until now
we grew apart and im okay with that,
cause i found better love, and so have you.
I like this a lot. The words,
I like this a lot. The words, the feel, the punch line. I think with just a couple slight adjustments, it would be perfect - at least to me.
I think you have a little hook sequence developing with the lines "you never told me. and i'll be okay with that." If this were a song, i would imagine the verse ending at "she will know your secrets." And at the end of what i imagine the second verse is, "she will be your guardian angel", it could be followed by something like "that's no longer me" "and i'll be okay with that." I think if you took on that format throughout the peace, it would be really fluid : )
thank you
thank you i will do my best next time.. yeah i more just throw words up there..
It's quite good as is, i love
It's quite good as is, i love the loving, calm, birds eye view nature of it. I just try to offer a critique on all aspects because i know many authors are looking for little tips to maximize their expression(like myself :) ).