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nooo.

no. no. no.

ouch. ouch. no .

tonight, god, i wanted to do simple things.

i wanted to smoke and sleep,

i wanted to not dream and not think about how this is the last day of my life.

i wanted to not dream and not think about how i lost everything i cared for once.

i want to not dream and not cry and not think about how the things i do are still fake even though i love them.

tonight, god, i didn't want to be real.

but no.

no.

no.

no.

I am alive, sharp and alive, sharp and full of sorrow,

sharp and real and wishing for improvement, wishing for more.

Right now I want things that are true, selfless, honest, and real.

the things i had.

and i cannot sleep now, because once i lie down things will only get worse,

the tears will start coming,

no, they are starting now,

and no one is here.

no one is mother fucking here.

and i want to die.

for the rest of my life,

i will have a reason to die.

i honestly wish you would have never given me the gift of love.

because the only thing you can ever do with love is take it away.

and the only time you can do that is the first time.