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I never realized how long life was.

Sometimes I believe that we were only meant to find

one true love.

That stories should be star-crossed, soul mated,

beginning-of-time, destined for life.

But if thats true, I'm screwed.

Darling if only I believed in your love for me a little bit more...

but I really don't think it exists.

The need to stay by me, like I wanted to be by you.

Forever.

I would give anything for the chance to pledge everything.

Was it that I loved you more than you loved me?

I'm crying.

I'm crying.

I wish you understood how badly I needed our dreams to come true.



Sometimes I wonder if my life will always be this empty.

Or if I will find someone like her, him, and continue on as if they never happened.

If I do, what is the point?

I've asked God so many times to die.

Because I am so pathetic that I was born without the strength to succeed,

but most importantly,

without the strength to truly succumb to failure.

Because I have dreamed so many nights.

All that I've done would be forgiven by me.



Driving in white cars to water.  Throwing my cell phone out the window, seeing it smash in sparks.  I leave my clothes on.  Its so cold in the liquid, but so peaceful, and as I stare up at the sky through dying eyes, I know I made the right choice.  The black is coming for me.  The story is star crossed and ending.  I failed so good that I succeed.



More than anything in the world, I wish I wasn't born.

There is nothing more I could ever want than this.

Not love, not friendship-

because I have felt both of these and they ended.

And though I smile sometimes at blue eyes,

its only a weak attempt to distract myself from the point.

I will never change.

I turn back from smiling at messages from him,

and continue writing my death note.

My passions-

so many, because I need to keep myself preoccupied,

are merely momentary interruptions...

The dream will come for me...

During dark nights feeling the call of the sea-



Driving in white cars to cliffs.  The ocean is infinite as I watch the moon rise and shine like diamonds on the blackness.  It reminds me of songs that remind me of her.  I'm gone, and things are ok, because I am doing something about it.  I am so content.  Its a long way down but flying feels great. Maybe when they hit the bottom, they keep on flying away.



On my dying day, I'll still be thinking these thoughts.

When I arrived here, I didn't realize how long life was.

I regret telling Harbinger that I would make the sacrifice.

I am so empty I can hear the black holes sucking at my bones.

I don't look forward the eternal 50 years I have to go...

please turn back time and ill take back the crime i chose to commit.

Nothing you can ever give me will make this worth it.