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My defences were shot clean through
My tolerance was stripped away
My ability to get out of bed was zapped with your ability to get into it
With her.
My zest for life was destroyed with my marriage vows
My optimism drained with your lies
My trust in you is shattered and the shards pierce my heart.
I am bleeding internally and no operation will help.
death will. Sweet sweet oblivion.
Pills, razor, walking into a bus?
Any will do. But I cant even bring myself to do that because I still have a smudge of hope.
One small glimmer of a better life traps me in this agonizing existence
Why cant I just be selfish? Why cant I just end it?
Why cant I just stop feeling this pain?

WHY? WHY? WHY?
How could you?
How can I?
Why?
Why can't I just leave?
Why can't I just die?
Why can't I be selfish like you were?
Why can't I get my needs met?
Why do I have to love you?
Why can't I find someone new?
Why can't I start over?
But starting over involves pain too.

The only pain-free life is death...
Sign me up
Slice my femoral artery and bleed out in seconds
Razor to my wrist will be superficial at best
I don't hate you enough to want you to find me dead,
it would be easier if I did
Why do I have to care about you and your needs?
Why can't I just be selfish like you?