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Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
How’s it been, I guess I need a friend, once again alone
This Loner hasn’t learned, passion doesn’t burn hot enough to treat obsidian with heat
Fiddling with things you don’t understand
Failure rinse repeat
Well at least, my oblivion has become distinct
Got my lessons on depression from different shrinks
But the distance from a difference hasn’t shrunk
Guess I flunked that course
Devolving from a race horse to a pony trying to migrate with the work force
But.
I’ve received more buts from myself than my ex
Either my faults are too complex
Or I choose to flex rather than be flexible
Always holding tension
Well I’m crunching decimals to make decisions
Doesn’t take a genius to see the perks in hers
Reason I prefer it, I’ve grown uglier in trying to be perfect
Never want to die a person
Couldn’t save the world a man, only patch it
Heroes exist alongside magic, under fantasy
Fantasizing I become a caped crusader
Yes, a crucial goal
Wholeheartedly believing I’d lead my life as Batman
But that’s been holding me back a span of thirteen years, about twenty two days, and around eighteen hundred dreaded hours of cowering
Running from the truth, from what can’t compute
This world is easier to hurt than help
And I should be concerned more about myself
Well excuse me for loosely interpreting right and wrong
Excuse me for refusing to accept, a world where a whole country doesn’t starve
Where you’re not killed by beliefs
Where you’re not treated unequally for a lack of control over who you are on the outside and in or where you’re from
Re-reading that I seem really dumb
Why make myself into a martyr
Why value other lives over mine
Guess those thirteen years, twenty two days, and now nineteen hundred hours were wasted time
Now erasing my one and only self-proclaimed purpose
So can I confess?
Again really thanks for listening
I’ve been holding onto pain in the aims of condition
Thought it’d be like tempering but ended up as temper tantrums thrown out in seclusion,
If I was lucky enough
Thought will power decided strength, was I not hungry enough
Let me apologize as I digress to some earlier stuff
To my impression my depression has left mal impressions
On my pals in question
On that ex who had it extra bad
Cause I loved like a calculator
Now I’m left with Lexapro
Which has me feeling more expendable
Yet even suicide seems implausible, not impossible
Stuck in-between a cliff side and a house of mirrors
But which should I walk for, cause all this talk on what’s wrong with me aint inspirational
Wish you could answer
Wish my only mistake was misspelling thsi
Yet wishing hasn’t worked thus far and I’m too wounded at the moment to model more scars
A broken bottle of emotions that imploded from the pressure
An impressive sight viewing from afar
I’m finish speaking since I see my life’s in need of tweaking
But in cause you wanna talk I’ll leave your mouth ajar.
