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Sinking
Moonlit eyes reflected on still, icy water
They draw me in
Into those deep blue depths I wander,
I dissolve into fragments of our memories
as I wade through your visions,
I see myself from the back line of your heart
and with salty tears,
I distort the perfect mirror of your eyes
Questions ripple out from the source:
How do you see such beauty in something so cruel
Why do you stay there in that storm that bites and claws at your soul
Don't you know why storms are named after people
My love does not know release
My love is desperate, unapologetic,
it will clutch you back every time you reach for the shore
But you are stronger than the tides
Gravitational pull has no power over your will
So what force is this that binds you to the idea
of this endless body of water
Have the sirens whispered sweet lies of true love
and other treasures buried deep in these dark waters
Or is the idea of drowning seeming sweeter than regret
Either way, be sure that I will destroy you in the most beautiful way
and the shipwreck I cause will mark every place with our memories
You will taste me forever like salty blood in your mouth
And your bright eyes will haunt me until the day I run dry
Magnificent use of an
Magnificent use of an extended metaphor, really fantastic! But I am not sure of the voice(s). Is there one or two? And which one is speaking in the final paragraph?
J-Called
Thank you! Valid point.
Thank you for your comment!
Reading over it again I definitely see where the voice becomes unclear. I intended it to be one voice throughout. Author's intention and reader's interpretation are rarely the same. I like the idea of two voices; the last paragraph could be interpreted as the voice of the other person in the relationship.
Thanks for the reply. I
Thanks for the reply. I agree---the last paragraph does introduce the other person. Perhaps setting that off in italics, or some other typographical clue, might make that a little more clear for the reader, but that is for you, and not me, to consider. Regardless of that, the extended metaphor is very well orchestrated, one of the best I have ever encountered (and I have been reading poetry for forty-two years now).
J-Called