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A Morning
Folder:
Nature Amber ran liquid from the eyes of trees
As morning wept with a coolish breeze
Whispered “play with me” to the trees
Feel this, how could you not believe
Joined by the heat of rising sun
Through blessings of the chosen one
They began to create a blameless fun
Releasing gravity ton by ton
Together erupting a dancing mist
Rising up from the ground with tumble and twist
And all of this a perpendicular wish
From cricket bows and dragonfly twitch
Grey robes' shadows must have belied some hidden spell
For beasts and time arose for prevail
Sun no longer played but burned like hell
Wishes of the almighty, hourly stale
Memory ran away down the backs of hills
Slipping on dew drops and ink spills
Powerless and imploring fending chills
Praying away from what that kills
Still the hope forces brightly through
When morning unsheathes a day of new
For it’s not the sun, but the other two
Who make friends with austerity true
So when the burst of life breaks through to live
You must always and forever remember this
That all things in this world must take to give
And you must realize through His initiative
Nature
Reminds me of a castle in the meadows of England.
poem-envy...
Beautiful poem, I enjoyed the read. It was a bit inaccessible at first (as some poems are) - but maybe it should stay that way. Some good poems just take a little investment from the reader.
Here's my humble suggestions -
Maybe for the first line, say something about liquid amber tears - that way you won't have to use the phrase "eyes of trees" (and then you could make this line fit better, in terms of its rhythm)
Second line: As mist danced over the ground
Lines 7-9: Great images here... one word came to mind, and that is "meadow" - perhaps you can use this in the line about dragonflies?
Cheers,
Adam_San
okay maybe it will read
okay maybe it will read better this way??? let me know, if it's in you.
EricaMay
Indiiigo :)
You have a way with words. I'm come to expect surprise at the depth of your poetry. It paints a picture, like I don't often see. And the way you write is different from mine... I would like to learn from it. Idk... as a poet, what makes you tick?
Anyway, if you don't mind, I want to read this poem over this week, and think about it. Sound good?
Cheers,
Adam_San
Sounds amazing!
Thank you for your apreciation. And, there's no doubt I could also learn from your work as well... It can only get better, right.
EricaMay
yes, yes, yes
Thanks so much!! I will most def take your advice!
EricaMay