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Im Sorry
i'm sorry that you are the last to know. i don't want it to be that way at all. i'm sorry that i don't tell you. i can't because i don't want to bring you down. i know i will. i hate being the downer. i know i am. i can't help it. i never realized that seeing everyone around me so happy and content with their lives, would make me so sad all the time. i see what i don't have. i don't want to tell you that because no one wants to be brought down. i feel this way all the time now, whether i show it or not. i know you want to know. i want to tell you, but not be there. i know you're right but i don't want to hear it. i want to wallow. wait, no i don't. hell. i don't know what i want anymore. seeing, hearing, everything, puts me on downer autopilot and i have no control. i'm fine, then i'm not. i want to be there, then i don't.
