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Alone
You wonder why you're alone, even when you push people away
You ask the question of "why don't you love me", then you scream and cry "stay away!"
All you ask is that somebody holds you and never gives up on you, you've never said that, but it's not that easy
You stand alone wondering why you're alone, being isolated alone with your lonely thoughts, utterly alone
Being alone you yearn for a lone friend who was alone like you, and you want to be alone, together
Being alone with a lone friend brings feelings of love or forlorn,
You go everywhere together, promising that you'll be their best man, and that you'll never part from each other's side
You plan college and future, you plan and plan and plan together, getting more and more excited as you grow together, groaning and moaning through the struggles and allowing yourself to be seen prone with them
And you see each other all the time and you get, well, you get that feeling where you trust them, believing that they'll never hurt you, you open yourself up and develop together as people.
Attached, that was the word. When you, when you love someone you get attached to them, you give them the gun fully loaded and let them aim it at your heart because you don't want to hold on to that weighty weapon which held you down, and they said that they'd love to carry some of your burden for you
And you forget that they took that from you, and you go on getting happier and happier, learning to love again, leaping and feeling light without a lingering worry leaving you heavy since that burden left you
They call you their brother and best friend, that their life could never be this grand, you become their advisor and shoulder to cry on and for you too, and life is great, and you're happy, and you can finally smile, saying truthfully that "somebody loves me"
Then you say something, and they shoot you, and you realize that friend ends with end. You said something that you would never mean but you weren’t thinking and you curse yourself every day because you're just a freak, a monster that holds only malice with many wounds that aren't mendable, you blame yourself even though they're the one that shot you
And you can't function and you miss them and then you wish that you never met them, but it will always hurt, and it still hurts, and if I had one thing left that I had to say it's I love you, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I hurt you the way that they hurt me.
