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Try
You've told me that you are trying, and that you are trying as hard as you can, I know that it's hard right now, because you're standing in the middle of the storm and your umbrella is upside down while you're trying to keep everything right side up, and I know that you don't get any sleep, because you're caught and lost inside of your own conscience, you're deep in thought every waking moment, and that's why I check up on you every night to make sure that you are ok before I say my nightly prayers and lie down my weary head, I always say "You've got this, I believe in you", and I know that I say it all the time to you, but after you hugged me, I actually believed it myself. I have always thought since Summer ended that you will never be ok again, that you'll be gone forever, but after that, I believe in you, one-hundred percent now. You are trying, and now you've shown me, I felt your heart beating, your body pulsating, your spirit fighting, I felt all of it, and it was overwhelming. I felt your happiness, I felt your grief, I felt your confusion and your despair, and it hit me harder than the news itself had, your whole life swarmed into my mind, when you first learned how to skate, when you met your first friend back in elementary school, when you made your brother mad when you accidently hurt him, when your first dog died, all of the bullying in middle school, when you thought that you could take on the world, I felt the adrenaline of your first kiss, the eye-opening moment that our time is limited here because of your internal death, I felt you wanting to give up, but you were still fighting, and I believe that you are still in there. I love you, and I want you to be ok, that's all that I want, is for you to be ok. You have made me so proud of you, your heart kept repeating to me in your chest, thump-thumping "he's ok, he's ok, he's ok". This is the first time that I said that I love you, and you showed me that you love me back, as the brother that I dreamed that I could have one day, even though I know I don't deserve it because of what I've done, you just don't realize how much that meant to me, how much I prayed to God to let me know if I can keep you in my life or not, and that showed me that you are here to stay, and I have thanked God every day since.
I love you,
have a great evening.
