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i spilt my blood
I feel like I want to change my name again. Hopeful I am, still, that something really wonderful will come out of all this ridiculous shit I've been going through on my journey. Not that really wonderful things haven't already happened but there are things that have and are coming up that are just really difficult to navigate. And I feel alone in it. Because it seems there are not people that can understand what's been really happening as I am unable to truly relay what is actually going on. I'm frustrated in this silence. There is such beauty and grace and wonder in my head but the mirror has shown me that negativity is what comes through to be expressed. I feel like I am going to cry. All the time. And I have no one I can really turn to. The only one that can truly help me is me and that just makes me feel the pull to spiral into my own hell. Help! I just want to break out. Be free from this mind that beats me down. I'm tired of fighting to climb from myself. I feel frozen.
Spilled Blood
The boxes of band-aids attest to how much I've spilled. I use to be absolutely kind to everyone - and I was happy. I got ill will back and rather painful belittlements, but mostly people were kind back. When I get to thinking all is alone or not worth doing, I change my thinking to those who were kind in return and go out and be kind to some old curmudgeon to insure my happiness is rebuilt and lasts. :D