i see them in the sky.
they just sit there and watch you,
they watch whatever happens to you
and you can do nothing about it.
you can see their dark hearts,
their souls.
you sometimes yell at them
without thinking,
without breathing.
then they cry
and you get soaked, you get cold
and you die, without thinking
without breathing.
clouds are nothing
but silent killers
clouds are nothing
but bruises in the sky,
they hurt
they throb
and they bleed, all in your head
and you can't do anything about it.
This poem is powerful, in my opinion. I appreciate how one-sided the power is with the clouds--as in, you can do nothing about the clouds and when you try you are punished; and the clouds have free reign to do what they will. And, the shift nearer the end, turning the clouds into something else, something in your head; the impersonal forces in your own life, or perhaps the people who are so important but are not aware of their importance--is good.
Anyway, I suppose this critique will not be very helpful as I have no good suggestions at this time. -)