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You said you don't believe
A Beautiful ship on a beautiful ocean
Moving together in slow motion..
Thats my freedom
here to take me at last.
I'm so tempted to ruin this thing
but i'll just run with it.
Its a huge dispicable wave
and i'm the disciple.
Its love
that made me lose my way;
I drowned my heart in tears
and walked for hours
And Beauty's so hard to find
Thats what my search for Beauty found.
it exists?
When i see it
I might forget to breath.
In a world so poetic
nothing rhymes.
Where have i been
all this time?
How much can we take
You and I?
Now i understand, moon.
Surrounded by stars
but youve never felt so lonely.
Sweet sweet sorrow,
you know me so well.
and my previous i ment first..my bad ;)
ok, for starters, the guy who wrote the previous comment was a dick.
now ur poem was good. a little hard to follow is places but i did like it. i loved the opening line. same with "in a world so poetic nothing rhymes."
and i loved the stanza "how much can we take, you and i?...but you've never felt so lonely"
the piece is a little disjointed in places and doesnt flow but it is poetry and sometimes poetry doesnt need to flow. good job
I like this one. Very lonely....yet remember that people will let you down. Jesus is the only one who you can count on. As the moon He came down to earth in the scum and gave Himself freely....I can only imagine how alone He felt....
thanks for the post.
Hey,
I read a comment you left in a poem of someone elses and I felt an urge to congratulate you for being fucking awesome. It's about time someone recognizes the bad poetry and comments truthfully.
-alyssa
Yeah, first of all, you're grammar sucks more cock than your mother, every line of a poem starts with a capital letter. Secondly you're beautiful ship in your beautiful ocean can't be too helpful if you're drowning in tears. Maybe putting syrup in your eyes and waiting for wasps to sting you is an improvement so you don't actually have to SEE what you write. good day