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You Never
You never asked for the pleasure,
You never asked for the pain,
Now you find the pressure,
Is making you go insane.
You never wanted to hear it,
You never wanted to taste,
Now you find that perfect hit,
And you buy it in your haste.
You never had the money,
You never wanted to know,
Now you think it is funny,
You only have tracks to show.
You never seemed to worry,
You never had time to spend,
Now you seem to hurry,
Into the graves they must tend.
You were so full of talent,
You had everything to live for,
Actions that were so gallent,
Now your heart beats no more.
You are now placed in the casket,
You are now coverd with dirt,
They held your dreams in a basket,
But now they only have hurt.
You should have listened to them,
You should never have gotten hooked,
But you had to go out on a whim,
With the needle and your arm crooked.
OMG I sooo know this it feels as if i have heard it befor yet is so inspiering thanky uo for sharing it
That is an AMAZING poem. I really enjoyed how I was able to feel the emotion. Keep up the good work, your poems have really good rythm:)
Christina
I am amazed by the power of this piece. Great writing Renee on a topic that most of us have experienced, an untimely death to the cancer of drug addiction. I share your thoughts on this. Thank you for posting. ((((hugs))))
hi renee, this is a great poem i loved the formal and informal writing this is a fantastic piece iwish i had your talent.yet why should i hope to accieve the talent of someone a lot older than me who's talent i probably wouldnt be able to reach? i dont know but i do strongly. keep it up Toni
i was really touched by this poem, i understand the dispair and wonderment you express about this person in the poem. it is beautifully written! deryn
Good poem. You're right in what you say here. Too bad it's so true. Another one bites the dust...
Well, I read this once before with much enthusiasm. I have just one comment to add to old Rolanda up there: You say that poetry should be a crafted message, not an emotional passage? What kind of GARBAGE is that? Maybe you are just a tad bit sensitive, my dear to the topic? If you cannot be constructive in your words, please do feel free to KEEP your mouth shut! I am waiting anxiously to read your GREAT "crafted message" (I'll bet) LOL Renee' Your words DO touch people, critics that can't see that are blind. Period. End of story. You know what your poetry means to the people that matter.
sorry bout that renee' i like this, very sad, some good truths and advice here. malc.
A PERFECT EYE OPENER WITH GOD'S GRACE I PULLED THRU LOOKING BACK, I WAS REALLY PISSED OFF WITH MY OWN SELF THE ONLY THING I COME UP WITH .
Renee' So sad of a poem. Maybe it will be of comfort to someone that very much needs it :) You have that way of showing up when people need you:)
Renee, This poem speaks boldly to those who read it.. Although there is the odd critisim i can understand from both veiw points... Rolanda and Roland have the right to express there feelings yes but as others have said the aim of this site is to publish poems that speak to everyone.. And this poem from what i have seen has done just that.. Although i'm not very known to many i like to voice out and this little problem was started by a misunderstanding which i'm sure you did not mean.. But anyway enough of that incoherent rambling this poem as i have said speaks for itself.. It had me intruigued and kept me so very interested... Well i would just like to commend you upon your work and the strength that you have shown through all this misunderstanding.. Fare thee well ~the unknown vampyress~
I can't believe some of these things were going on and I was no where to be found! To Rolonda: Criticism doesn't have to be so acute. You could have made suggestions without directly attacking the author's motives, meter, rhyme scheme, and over-all word choice. This girl isn't writing poetry to support her family and/or get the Pulitzer Prize-- she is writing to air her feelings. Not to mention that the poetry is good, especially since she is appealing to the crowd that is reading it. That is to say: why would she write something to appeal to a slew of over-educated college professors? Because she can transcend the "no cliche', no common meter, no emotion" "rule" she is a bad poet? I think not. This poem reminds me of song lyrics for some reason. Very poignant and stabbing. Don't take any shit from the pompous criticizers. Live your life. Jill
Hey Renee, I don't care about anyone else here and I did liked the poem. I was once in a phase on killing myself and I done solvent abuse but then I realised it was stupid so I quit and the poem brings back memories of this tupidity I had toiwards myself
Well I really did enjoy this poem Renee'. The critique's here are definatly something else, I won't express my feelings on them though. Keep up the great work Renee' : )
You've got to be kidding, right? Please tell me that this was written in grade school. If so, I'll forgive you.
you said it bob...hi five
Hi Renee I whole heartedly agree with Bob. If your message in this poem has touched one single soul and has communicated to them in a way no one else can, then who cares if there is grammical errors....or the rhyming doesnt fit, etc, etc, etc, etc,....(as they seem to go and on). Also, to say that poetry isn't written from the heart, or should not be written from the heart (whatever the so called "experts" claim the "rules" are) is a load of crock as far as I am concerned. You do write very well and your expression is put down in your poetry. Keep up the good work and please, please, please post more. Have a goooooooooooooooooooooooooood day (Oooops.... I used to many "o"...darn)..lol. Roz :)
Hey Renee' great poem. If your poem helps or encourages one single human being to take a serious look at themselves then it has accomplished much. S for the two people having the arrogance to call themselves 'critics', well pay them little heed. It appears that their sole intentions are to cause trouble to this site. having to rip apart the individual who said something to them hey can't even take a critique of their critiques without It is obvious to me that they could have kept their mouths shut and let people wonder about their lack of professionalism. But NO!!!! Instead they had to open those mouths and show their stupidity beyound a shadow of a doubt. And if they don't like my cliche, then I have 2 words for them! How sad that they claim to be poets when they have done nothing to demonstrate their expertise. They have not posted one single poem. They have done nothing to offer any constructive comments by way of explanation as to how you might improve. It seems that they are just 2 people who have missed the point. To state that poetry is NOT emotional is to have completely missed the boat in my opinion. People like this don't have both feet in reality. I'm proud of you for the courage that you have demonstrated in posting your poetry. I encourage you to keep up the good work. Don't let these people keep you down As for the 2 individuals, I DO NOT want comments from you and would respectfully ask you to refrain from responding publicly on this site to my comments. If you wnat to critique poetry, you miught try the following: 1. Offer constructive criticism that seeks to teach by way of example and encourage the writer to grow and continue to get better. 2. Quit attacking the webmaster and insulting people who are honestly trying to learn to express themselves. 3. Practice the worn out paraphrased cliche of "If you can't say something nicely, then say nothing at all". 4. Try and practice the fine 'art' of love and tolerance of others. This is a public site and instead of tearing people apart, try some positive strokes. What you have done is reprehensible. How 'bout getting a life and letting the people on this site enjoy sharing their thoughts with one another. If you don't like what they wrote, don't read it. If you don't like this site, don't come here. People like yourselfs are simply NOT welcomed here as far as I'm concerned. At any rate, Keep posting Renee' Yolur work is obviously liked by the majority on this board and I hope you don't let so called 'critics' like Ronald and Rolanda get to you. Bob
RE: All of the above Hmmm, I must admit, that this sort of thing is interesting to me. :) I like to see people get all riled up, and excited over something! I think that it just shows that they care! Lets just all keep it positive and not attack anyone personally!
this poem kicks ass....makes me remember my friend brad who died on junk.....i think your stuff hits the nail on the head ...keep up the good work....i read the critiques and just have to say the reason the woman(?) dosent like it is because she can't write anything that holds peoples attention ...again keep up the good work....
Forced and irregular rhyme, misspellings, fluff. Trite verse, terribly cliched. I think you'd best get honest critique instead of friendly words from people who agree with the subject material. A poem is a crafted item, not an emotional message.
Renee', Whoa, such powerful words, they way the words flow makes it that more interesting. It really makes you think twice what "just one toke" would do if your trying Weed out for the first time eh? The hole just becomes deeper and depper until you can't climb your way out. I hope that people who are thinking about doing drugs and that read this poem and think twice about what they are getting themselvez into.:) Great poem Renee' Keep up the good work.. perhaps you can tutor me sometime! :) Nuff Luvs! Krista!
Ah yes, more morbid poem to soothe my soul......I almost cried on this one, Ren. It made me think of the friends I'd lost to overdoses of heroine. Truly sad. You put a lot of feeling into your writings, feelings from within. Another meaningful life lost to the dragon.....
Hi Renee Yet again you have proved your writing skills worthy. Again, strong messages throughout and direct to the point. I am going to print piece out and send it to my brother. Thanks for your wonderful insights yet again. Happiness to you always Roz :)
Hi Renee! You are so right. This is very dark, but, it is well written. The words & the lines are simple & directly to the point, which makes this very strong reading. The message is so clear. Well done. What book inspired you? Amy
Well, what can one say?....Yet another example of your boundless talent.....keep it up..Cheerz. :+)
Wow! everything rhymes so well and u should publish this poem so as to knock some sense into those drug addicts
Hey, I know critiques are supposed to suggest how one could improve upon a work, but i cannot think of anything you could improve here... S'pose I can't critique this one...all I can do is compliment you on it! Nice Job! Maybe I can be more critical next time ;)
Hi renee..... the deliberate, insistent use of the titles on each stanza makes me feel as if the poem is scolding me!....hehe, such is the powerful effect of this work!!! Wonderful...your rhymes are getting more flowing by each poem... and how sad such lives are, living a life of dreams and bowed down to drugs and all... Sigh~~
This is a great poem, with an awesome message. I hope that people with addiction see this poem one day. Everything flowed together so nicely. You should be very proud of yourself, for you are a very talented poet. Please let me know when you post new poems. I love reading them. ps) thank you so very much for telling me what you think of my poems. Every ounce of encouragement has inspired me. ;) Doreen Southworth