I painted on a smile
Came up with a lie
It was so brilliant
I was so good at hiding the truth that I wanted to die
Covered up my cuts and scars with baggy clothes
Sweaters in the summertime and they didn't even have a clue
Forever full of oblivion
My pain, they never knew
Million tears to fall asleep
Deep down inside, this big secret I had to keep
Nobody knew what I knew was real
Or all the moments I wished I could not feel
Mascara smeared and I could not answer why
I covered up the truth with a million lies
I could not tell why I hurt myself
Or why my heart was put on the back of a shelf
If I told them the truth, then I could no longer deny
The reality of only wanting to die
I dont want them to see because they would never understand
and I dont want to explain myself because they will never know who I am
They say they care, but how could they when they never knew
They were so oblivious to the hell I went through
It does not matter anymore, anyway
I will make it through and make it through okay
They cant hurt me anymore
At least not anymore than they have before
And my parents want to know why I cry and they are so clueless....and they deserve it.
Essence