Dead by now (Revised)

My boyfriend's morning greetings 

don't have their stellar effect on me 


I sleep on the evenings

feeling sorry for me 

and my troublesome soul

As soon as the sunrays struck, 

I knew I ran out of luck

My stupid eyes still fluttered

like my prayers never mattered

Slept through the rumble

I lost the gamble

I'm still here

Why am I still here? 


Where is the noose?

Needed some push

A brave soul enough to hate me

What is the use

of all this fuse

when there's no more powder to ignite with?

Has Jupiter descended yet? 

I would like to face him and buy his tears

Banish me to Hades, I'd beg

It's a sweeter death than you keeping me here

in my bed at night

sinking, drowning, out of breath

frigid, wishing I am dead

Shouldn't I be dead by now? 


The winds still blow

The sun still rose

My stupid eyes still fluttered

My prayers came unanswered 

Or maybe the answers lie

between the eyelids that struggle

or the soul that slept through the rumble

Eighteen hours later, 

I would still wonder

Why am I still here? 

How do I get away from here? 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When not waking up is worse than living at all.