the one time

in a night club

in Sacramento

was pretty amusing.

I was catching

a healthy buzz

(perhaps an unhealthy one)

before I got there

and I went in

and I immediately

began to feel awkward

and out of place.

I was with friends

so I decided

to make the best of it.

One of the barmaids

was wearing a tight

purple spandex jumpsuit.

She had a gun holster

with two bottles of liquor.

She had two belts

going over her chest

in an “X” pattern.

that contained

little shooter glasses.

She asks me,

“Would you care for a purple hooter?”

I wasn’t sure what she was asking

and I was already lit.

Was she really offering me

her ample bosom?

I just sat there dumfounded.

My eyes were glancing

at a pair of purple hooters.

Do you want a drink?”

She repeats slowly.

I just nod my head slowly

and she pours me one.

It turns out there’s a drink

called a purple hooter

and silly me,

dumb fuck that I am,

thinking she meant something else

If looks could kill,

she may well have killed me.

I’m just grateful

that she didn’t have real guns

in her holster




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