PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Woke up one day and realized that I've

been unconsciously driven down the shortcut path

to my painful demise;

an unwitting victim of the illusion

that my choices were of my own device

and my fate woven by my own persistence,

not the various things in life by which I'd been hypnotized

through preconscious processes

conditioning of the mind

to be comfortable in sacrifice -

sacrificing my heart, soul, and life

to others would be the price for paradise. 

Paradox that has defined who is "I" -

striving to reach the highest potential I'd been gifted

by The Most High

while surfing the lows of a rough, 

self-defeating life. 

Sought a partner to balance me out, 

finding one who seemed to wipe away all the doubts

that would've kept me on the longer path

that would've changed my route

from this shortcut path down where I just might drown

only to be reborn from who I am now

into something that isn't what I had dreamed about...

...not for me, nor my seeds, nor my future

that I sanctified with the deepest desire to manifest

beautiful dreams to reality...

...for at the end of the long road was a vision

filled with love perfectly matched and complimentary, 

strong and exemplary,

faithful and dynamic in growth energy.

Hard to see that as an end to this reality, 

all I do is never enough, too much, I'm both mommy and daddy

because the man that I let in has shut me out

and given up on all the things we once talked about. 

Conveniently forgotten or willfully ignored, 

I'm the wife with whom he's bored, 

the one who doesn't say anything he's willing to hear, 

the one who carries the weight of the whole family plus

his indecisiveness and fears, 

who can't reach through the walls he builds, 

the receiving end of gaslit diatribes and rants at will

that speak to a potential truth within his heart -

he is pushing me away so that I'll be the one to part.

I'm no true wife because marriage isn't sanctified

in his heart, nor in his mind.

I'm just another girl whom he claims to have loved, 

but hasn't the balls to admit "love" as the operative

has turned to "despise."

He was never meant for family life, 

everything he once promised, is on the opposite side

of what he does, what he lives, and what he does actualize.

The truth he fails miserably to hide

is that he truly craves a solo, lack of responsibility life

without my children as his own, nor me as his wife. 

But I'm loyal to my heart and curse its stubborn love

of the man I once thought existed by my side, gifted from above

for I had dreamed so long that a few actions seemed to prove him true...

... I'm loyal to my heartbreak thinly holding onto faith

that one day he'll prove all the negative I feel to be falsehood.