PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I actually got paid for a reading once.  It was a gig at a coffeehouse near a college.  I agreed to do it for the Hell of it and they said they would not notice if I spiked my teas with sake.  They said we’ll pass the hat around the audience after the performance.  Whatever gets thrown in the hat is your pay for the night.

I was will to work under those terms.  After all, I needed all the exposure I could get and this would help me out.  I was willing to take my chances with the generosity of college students.  I was hoping the college co-eds would eat the shit up.

So I go and do my reading.  I’m feeling pretty energetic.  I lied about sake and used a couple airline bottles of vodka to spike my tea.  There were a couple cuties in the crowd although I knew they would find that term unappealing.  I slowly sip my cup of spiked tea as I work my way through a series of poems.

They then got out a top hat.  I was thinking, “Wow! They are literally going to pass the hat.” And I had thought it was just a figure of speech.  I finish up my tea until the hat comes back to the host.  He hands me the hat.  I empty it out so I can count my fortune.  I have been paid $24.63 and a condom with a phone number written on the wrapper in marker.  I look out at the audience to see if anyone has a smirk on their face and I’m really hoping it’s not a dude.

No one seems to be interested in my plight.  I’m feeling a little mischievous so I walk over to a pay phone and dial the number on the wrapper.  It sounds like an elderly woman on the other end of the line.  I try to explain the situation to her—that I’m a poet and I just did a reading at a coffeehouse and that when the passed the hat for me, I got a condom with her number on it.

She just hung up on me.  I guess I wasn’t the only victim of a prank that night.  I wasn’t all that upset.  I still had $24.63 and the bars were still open.  It wouldn’t be much but I would at least be able to settle down with a couple brews.