DAGNABIT!

 

Dagnabit! Missed the train

an hour to pass before

catching the next train.

 

Guess I need to stop at bar

and throw down a couple pints

 

 

Dagnabit!

an hour to pass before

the next train

I decide to throw down

a couple pints at the bar

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This tanka was published in Of Love and War and the Life in Between, an anthology from the Tanka Society of America.  The first is the original tanka as I first wrote it and the second is the verse as edited for the publication.

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allets's picture

They Changed Your Poem

Suckiness!


 

 

georgeschaefer's picture

I agreed to the adjustment. 

I agreed to the adjustment.  I like having two different versions.  I am finding as I go through all my old notebooks that I have multiple versions of different poems.  It's good to work with other people to get different perspectives on verse.  thank you for dropping by and commenting.

J-C4113d's picture

The first version is more

The first version is more intense and tells more of the situation.   I am glad postpoems leaves editing to the poets.


J-Called [fka Starward]

georgeschaefer's picture

thanks.  I actually edit and

thanks.  I actually edit and change my own poems all the time anyway.  When I do poetry readings, I change words and lines.  I think both have merit.  Mallarmé once wrote that one never completes a poem, one merely abandons it.  Maybe he was on to something.

J-C4113d's picture

I like your reference  to

I like your reference  to Mallarme.  I will go look that up.


J-Called [fka Starward]

georgeschaefer's picture

thanks, always glad to refer

thanks, always glad to refer people to great poetry