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Kittens and rainbows, Kittens and rainbows. Puppies and butterflies,



These thoughts are my demise. I try to rise from the hole I’ve dug for myself during my life in  this world that’s rife and strong because the people think that everyone but them is wrong, and I claw and claw and scratch at the walls, trying to escape and trying to be set free. So I can fly like a bird with wings of steel.

My blood is ink, spilling out onto this page. I attempt to scribble out uncomprehensible words with my jagged fingernails, only to come up short.



That’s all I can seem to do - is come up short. Never accomplish, never achieve. Never reaching my goals or attaining my dreams. Never making anyone proud, Never to leave the spot that I’m glued to on the ground. I’m trying to make a sound - trying to have my voice heard above the roar. I want to implore the reason for all this violence and hypocrisy.

I remember when I was a little girl. No one was stopping me from believing in the world. I was so naive. I believed that it was full of



Kittens and rainbows, kittens and rainbows. Puppies and butterflies.



Why am I surprised that I was so quickly beaten down, dirt kicked in my face as I tried to replace the events that had lead me to this place. This spot to which I’m glued. I’m like a statue, unable to move, unable to escape. People try to relate to me, thinking they know how I’m feeling, thinking they’ve been through what I’ve been through. But they haven’t. And there’s nothing they can do to prove it. They try to comfort me, hugs and kisses hugs and kisses. Don’t they miss it? Those days that they were so happy and free - where life was just another figment of their reality? When their imagination was aloud to run wild - when they were considered ‘just a child’ and people’s excuses for their abnormal ways was simply ‘Kids these days’.



I miss that. Because now I don’t have the safety of my blankie, and I can’t cuddle on to my stuffed animals and think: if I’m not scared, it can’t hurt me. Because the monster under my bed IS there. And it’s not simply going to scare me before disappearing. It’s going to destroy me. So, for now, I cling to the innocence I once had and as these words are written, I keep dreaming of my



Kittens and rainbows, kittens and rainbows. Puppies and butterflies.