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I can remember the first time I felt nothing

I remember asking myself shouldn't I feel something

I can remember the first time I stopped feeling alive

I looked around for something that could make me feel inside

I can remember the first time the emptiness took over my soul

and all it left was a hollow space, just a big black hole



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but I can't remember where this illness ends and where I begin

and I don't understand why I can't seem to reach the end

I can't remember what it feels like to laugh or cry

what the tears feel like when they leave my eyes

I can't remember what I was like before the deadness came

and I can't remember what anything is except pain



I can remember the first time I was lost in the darkness

when it swallowed me up and I became a part of the abyss

I can remember my emotions going completely numb

I became lifeless not caring about anything or anyone

I can remember when everything lost it's joy it brought me

I can remember when life became something that wasn't worth living

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I can remember when life had meaning

and I had a reason for breathing

I can remember when I could feel

I can remember when I was real

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