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Fool's Fool
Fool's Fool
In the end, there is only I. So why? why do i try? when i know the taste of the bitter end to come. but, is there some hope for me? No. All hope has givin' way to the weight of my tears that well storms from my fractured and splintered heart. why? because why not. i have no purpose. no goals. no friends. no soul for me to call a partner. no quality in my own worth saving. i am a fool. a fool's fool. for i knew of the fire's burn before reaching into the beautiful flames. its scorn deep and full of hate. hate for everything. hate for everyone. hate for nothing. hate for no one. but myself. that is the truth is it not? yes. that is the one truth that becomes the fact that remains. the fact that you, I, we all, die alone. in a pointless existance of lust, desire for attention, and the faux morales of social obligations. am i any different? neigh. but yet, i am the one apart. the one aside. the one left standing in the dark of my own shadows. the one unseen. the one that is but a nuissance. but whats new? not this. ive known. known i would always be here. alone. where even the dark of my own shadows cannot compare to the darkness growing. the darkness that wants control. the darkness that tears and claws at the hides of a clown. a clown in make up. wiping the tears from my eyes lest any shall approach. for i am man, correct? maybe. i forgot what that was a long time ago. if ever knowing. am i man? or boy? or something trapped inbetween? regardless, I am I. nothing may change. yet i give in to hope. hope that maybe. if it's possible, could i be afforded love? neigh. for no such, exists for one such as I. one trapped inside the dark. in a forever cycle of pain, misery, disappointment, and anger. i ask once more. why? why do i try? if i stop trying. do I die? or simply become.. something else? i fear. i search. without ever allowing myself near. i plea. i beg. i wish. i pray. but neigh. i can but wonder. for i am a fool. a fool's fool. but am i to blame? or is there another source? another source of my disdain. for this too i search. i try under a stone. but am bit by hidden snake. i try the sky. but i burn and fall as Icarus. i attempt to stand firm once more. but the ground quakes beneath. feet up. head down. far out of reach. can you teach me to fly? i step. i walk. i run. i approach a ledge. do i jump? in protest to gravity. do i flap my arms? in a pointless struggle. do i stop? to never move forward. or do i close my eyes and hope for the best? ending with a bloody rest. lose/lose/lose/lose. there is no victory. no winning this game. only playing it. only struggling. to deny nature and the forces that be. the force of fate. not that all is predestined. but that what will happen. will happen. i practice rolling with the punches. but my cheek still bruises. the pain felt through and through. until you. you came.. and open my heart did swing. a pane of glass blurs my vision with the fog from the cold outside your' grasp. squeezed tight. so tight. is this the end of my blight? could she be my guiding light? careful. for if i snuff this light, i shall lose all of myself. with no end in sight, may i draw my own curtain? may i give in to the temptation and ease of giving up? quitting? even when i am sure. the road less traveled has more on the floor to make me trip. until i see clouds. slipped. the road well beaten is just as futile. for then you must contend with other beings. where corrupt saints and honest sinners sleep together to form a new generation of breed. kids. the future. but what of my childhood? what of my future? do i get any say in this? no. this too, is nothing new. for i am but luggage. a toy. a piece of grape candy for a kid to lick, reject, and toss under the new sofa to collect dust, dirt, and filth. for that is where i belong. out of sight. alone. until i am stepped on. broken into smaller pieces. swept by broom and stick into a pan and dumped into a can of garbage. for i am a fool. a fool's fool. but despite all that i try. you sway my might. i feel it. in my chest. like the hot branding of a slave's family crest. desire hotter than any sun's flame. it cannot be tamed. it ravishes my core. threatening to let loose its grip, i grip tighter. but this too ends in failure. for my grip was too firm. had i givin' you space, would you trase the stars that spell "a place for I"? was I not sufficient? am i not, even still? for am i a fool's fool? perhaps. what is left to say? but that, i must stay. stay here. within my own shadows. where none step, lest it be on me.
-NH-NL-
