PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

For the last several years I have been in a relationship (actually married for a few years) with someone that definitely was not worthy of the time, years, pain, sweat & tears I invested. I was 17 years old when I met this man; he was 21. I was pretty much swept off my feet from day one. It wasn't that he was exceptionally handsome, but 'there was something about him'. I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean. He can be very charming with a great sense of humor when he wants to be, and he is attractive enough.



Now in the beginning things were fine. Neither of us wanted a serious relationship & was happy with seeing each other & other people when/if we wanted to. After years of this I decided I wanted to settle down with someone & maintain a relationship. I pretty much told him, "It's been fun. I'm ready for something else now. I wish you the best." He was offended (or pretended to be) & asked why I didn’t consider him for someone to settle down with. He went on & on about how he could & wanted to be in a committed with relationship with me. I had my reservations (for good reason), but agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with him & allowed him to move in to my apartment with me.



That is when things started to go down hill. Prior to him moving in we'd agreed on 'house rules' such as: paying bills in a timely manner, coming home at a respectable hour, respecting each other's friends & family, and being honest with each. Well, he pretty broke all of those. However, I 'hung in there & tried to make it work.' To make a long story short years later I had a child with, married & bought a home with this man. Hey, I was 'in love' (he obviously wasn't).



Things didn't get much better except he did manage to make in the house at a reasonable hour (after being put out too many times). Once we got married & bought our house, his attitude got really cocking. He was always telling me we were 'stuck' together whenever I complained or tried to talk to him about our marriage. He was half assed paying bills; too busy running the streets to maintain anything around the house, and too arrogant to help me do anything whenever he was there. I had to start praying because I was on the verge of putting Winn Dixie bag over his head while he slept. It's just those forensic shows on Court TV got me scared; I couldn't figure out how to get away with it. If it was back in the 80's, I’d have got his ass.



I came up with idea of putting a voice activated tape recorder in his car (with my schedule of work, school, our daughter & the house I was too busy to do stalking thing). I expected to catch him talking to our about a woman. I was pretty sure what he was up to & had warned him many times that he'd get caught & be sorry. He figured he had my schedule down & tired his luck; he's a little slow on modern technology. The tape recorder worked & I had the proof I needed. I put him out three days later (had to wait for him to get paid) & filed for divorce 1 year and 2 months after that.



Now I said all that (putting my business all out there) to ask this: WHY? Why do people (mostly women) stay so long in unhealthy, faltering relationships? What is wrong with the person that allows themselves to be hurt, lied to & cheated on time & time again? Why does it take so long to get the conviction/courage/strength to break away from someone that is harmful & hurtful? What kind of person can continue to hurt someone that has done nothing but love them? Why not just simply say, "I cannot/am not willing to be the person you want/need. We should separate so you can find what you're looking for?"



Looking back I see that I wanted him to be something he wasn't & may never be; he said he wanted that too. He talked a really good game, but when the time came to deliver he was always short. I have been searching within myself to try to figure out why I stayed as long as I did when there were so many warning signs & opportunities to end it a long time ago. He's what I call a 'play thing'; not to be taken seriously. I knew it all along, but still tried to 'build something' with him. I don't understand it....



What are your thoughts?







I’m going to go ahead & answer a question I assume is coming. Some of you may ask why I said mostly women in the paragraph above. Well, it’s because personally I see more women in situations similar to the one I was in. It seems men have either figured out how to get what the want/need from relationships or are more prone to leave the relationship if they are not satisfied. OR does it take less for a man to be satisfied in a relationship? But that’s another topic.