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Dear Little Evan, #13
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Dear Little Evan, I wish that I could read the letters the Big Evan I become writes the Little Evan who I am. I wish I had a mentor who truly understands what I'm going through with all the answers to all the questions that I have. Someone with a roadmap, plotting my every best decision and warning me away from the bad. But life doesn't work that way, Little Evan. There is no such thing as a guarantee that all this turns out happy in the end. Some lives are tragic, far more tragic than our own, and there isn't always a neat and happy conclusion to them.
Life is messy. Life is terribly hard. You know this now. I know this still. And some things never make sense, irrespective of the time elapsed in between. Whether or not there is meaning to it is entirely dependent upon you. A habit that I pray you learn to lay to rest is the habit of asking, "why me?" Because there is no answer to that question, Little Evan. You'll only hurt yourself further when you ask it. You'd do well to ask instead, "why not me?"
We aren't the only addict, Little Evan. We aren't the only child with a painful upbringing. We aren't the only man to face the possibility of divorce, infidelity, mental illness or any such unfortunate circumstance that we have faced. Bad things happen to kind people who deserved nothing of the sort; and good things happen to cruel people who deserve nothing but rebuke. The Book of Job plays on this very anomaly. This apparent injustice is weaved all throughout the fabric of our present reality. Some things never make sense. Most things are out of our control.
One thing we do have control over is how we choose to respond to our suffering. We can fight it, we can run from it, or we can lean into it. These are our options and none them are quite satisfying while going through the thick of it. Suffering well does not mean that we enjoy our suffering. There is little to be loved in pain. Suffering well does not mean reveling in the pain or wishing more of it upon ourselves. That would be foolish. Suffering well means learning to accept suffering as inevitable and trusting that God will work something good in us through it if we allow Him to.
From me to you,
Big Evan
The beauty of this series, a
The beauty of this series, a beauty well demonstrated in this entry, is that it is both the sum of its parts, and more than the sum of its parts. By the sum of its parts, I mean that so many of your statements or phrases could stand independently as aphorisms---a mighty fine talent to have (and one I baldly lack, therefore I admire it the more in those who have it). But then, they all work together to become each entry, which then become the whole series---so this is the aspect that is more than the sum of its parts.
Starward